IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that there are various reasons that can motivate a person to keep working for the same company whereas others say that money is the main reason which gives motivation. Do you agree or disagree?#

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Working in the same place is an option for
employees
Use synonyms
. Some
employees
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 argue that staying in the same
working place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 is not worth
without
Correct pronoun usage
it without
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 an additional reward or salary. I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion, as good
employees
Use synonyms
 not only consider money but
also
Linking Words
 convenience and self-development. In order to keep the
work
Use synonyms
 quality as good as possible, there is a convenient aspect
such
Linking Words
 as friendship.
This
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 is the
relation
Replace the word
relationship
show examples
 between the
employees
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 and their
work
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colleagues
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. After
experiencing
Verb problem
spending
show examples
 a lot of time together,
work
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colleagues
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 can become friends outside the company.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
frienship
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friendship
 between
employees
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 can maximize
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cooperation, leading to a better social environment
Change preposition
in that
show examples
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
indivduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 can support each other.
For instance
Linking Words
, if they do not have
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
expertise in IT fields, but their
colleagues
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 do, it is better to exchange their
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 with each other. The other benefit is the chance to learn new skills in the
work
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 environment,
while
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 they are working. Learning new skills can increase their
carrers
Correct your spelling
careers
career
 to the next level,
such
Linking Words
 as leadership and
problem solving
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problem-solving
show examples
.
Moreover
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, to become a manager at
company
Correct article usage
a company
show examples
 these abilities are required.
For example
Linking Words
, senior software engineers who have worked for 10 years can upgrade their
carrers
Correct your spelling
careers
carriers
 into project managers, as they can determine tasks to do for
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
improvement,
then
Linking Words
 divide these to the software engineers. In conclusion, money is not the only reason to
work
Use synonyms
 at the same place. There are other reasons,
such
Linking Words
 as
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 with
colleagues
Use synonyms
 and self-improvement that can increase the convenience in the
work
Use synonyms
 environment.
Therefore
Linking Words
, staying in one company is not bad at all.

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task achievement
Ensure that all ideas are fully expanded upon and examples are provided to illustrate points more comprehensively. For instance, the example about friendship and task exchange could be detailed further.
coherence cohesion
Double-check the essay for minor grammatical errors and typos to maintain fluency and accuracy. The errors in this essay include 'frienship' instead of 'friendship', 'carrers' instead of 'careers', and 'futhermore' instead of 'furthermore'.
coherence cohesion
Further improve logical flow by using more varied linking words and phrases. For example, instead of using 'for instance' and 'for example' repetitively, alternate with phrases like 'such as' or 'to illustrate'.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively summarize the main points discussed.
task achievement
You provided relevant specific examples that help to illustrate your points, such as those about friendship and career development.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported and logically structured, enhancing readability and understanding of the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • motivation
  • job satisfaction
  • personal fulfillment
  • career development
  • growth opportunities
  • continuous learning
  • training
  • promotions
  • positive work environment
  • supportive management
  • good relationships
  • colleagues
  • benefits
  • perks
  • health insurance
  • retirement plans
  • flexible working hours
  • company culture
  • values
  • recognition
  • rewards
  • job security
  • stability
  • economic uncertainty
  • employee loyalty
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