Some people believe that there are various reasons that can motivate a person to keep working for the same company whereas others say that money is the main reason which gives motivation. Do you agree or disagree?#

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Working in the same place is an option for
employees
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. Some
employees
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argue that staying in the same
working place
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workplace
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is not worth
without
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it without
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an additional reward or salary. I disagree with
this
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opinion, as good
employees
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not only consider money but
also
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convenience and self-development. In order to keep the
work
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quality as good as possible, there is a convenient aspect
such
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as friendship.
This
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is the
relation
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relationship
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between the
employees
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and their
work
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colleagues
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. After
experiencing
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spending
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a lot of time together,
work
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colleagues
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can become friends outside the company.
Futhermore
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Furthermore
,
frienship
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friendship
between
employees
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can maximize
the
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apply
show examples
cooperation, leading to a better social environment
Change preposition
in that
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that
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where
show examples
indivduals
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individuals
can support each other.
For instance
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, if they do not have
an
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apply
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expertise in IT fields, but their
colleagues
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do, it is better to exchange their
task
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tasks
show examples
with each other. The other benefit is the chance to learn new skills in the
work
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environment,
while
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they are working. Learning new skills can increase their
carrers
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careers
career
to the next level,
such
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as leadership and
problem solving
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problem-solving
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.
Moreover
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, to become a manager at
company
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a company
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these abilities are required.
For example
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, senior software engineers who have worked for 10 years can upgrade their
carrers
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careers
carriers
into project managers, as they can determine tasks to do for
an
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apply
show examples
improvement,
then
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divide these to the software engineers. In conclusion, money is not the only reason to
work
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at the same place. There are other reasons,
such
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as
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
with
colleagues
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and self-improvement that can increase the convenience in the
work
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environment.
Therefore
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, staying in one company is not bad at all.
Submitted by ivannizar on

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task achievement
Ensure that all ideas are fully expanded upon and examples are provided to illustrate points more comprehensively. For instance, the example about friendship and task exchange could be detailed further.
coherence cohesion
Double-check the essay for minor grammatical errors and typos to maintain fluency and accuracy. The errors in this essay include 'frienship' instead of 'friendship', 'carrers' instead of 'careers', and 'futhermore' instead of 'furthermore'.
coherence cohesion
Further improve logical flow by using more varied linking words and phrases. For example, instead of using 'for instance' and 'for example' repetitively, alternate with phrases like 'such as' or 'to illustrate'.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively summarize the main points discussed.
task achievement
You provided relevant specific examples that help to illustrate your points, such as those about friendship and career development.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported and logically structured, enhancing readability and understanding of the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • motivation
  • job satisfaction
  • personal fulfillment
  • career development
  • growth opportunities
  • continuous learning
  • training
  • promotions
  • positive work environment
  • supportive management
  • good relationships
  • colleagues
  • benefits
  • perks
  • health insurance
  • retirement plans
  • flexible working hours
  • company culture
  • values
  • recognition
  • rewards
  • job security
  • stability
  • economic uncertainty
  • employee loyalty
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