Some people believe that there are various reasons that can motivate a person to keep working for the same company whereas others say that money is the main reason which gives motivation. Do you agree or disagree?#
Working in the same place is an option for
employees
. Some employees
argue that staying in the same working place
is not worth Correct your spelling
workplace
without
an additional reward or salary. I disagree with Correct pronoun usage
it without
this
opinion, as good employees
not only consider money but also
convenience and self-development.
In order to keep the work
quality as good as possible, there is a convenient aspect such
as friendship. This
is the relation
between the Replace the word
relationship
employees
and their work
colleagues
. After experiencing
a lot of time together, Verb problem
spending
work
colleagues
can become friends outside the company. Futhermore
, Correct your spelling
Furthermore
frienship
between Correct your spelling
friendship
employees
can maximize the
cooperation, leading to a better social environment Correct article usage
apply
Change preposition
in that
that
Correct word choice
where
indivduals
can support each other. Correct your spelling
individuals
For instance
, if they do not have an
expertise in IT fields, but their Remove the article
apply
colleagues
do, it is better to exchange their task
with each other.
The other benefit is the chance to learn new skills in the Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
work
environment, while
they are working. Learning new skills can increase their carrers
to the next level, Correct your spelling
careers
career
such
as leadership and problem solving
. Add a hyphen
problem-solving
Moreover
, to become a manager at company
these abilities are required. Correct article usage
a company
For example
, senior software engineers who have worked for 10 years can upgrade their carrers
into project managers, as they can determine tasks to do for Correct your spelling
careers
carriers
an
improvement, Correct article usage
apply
then
divide these to the software engineers.
In conclusion, money is not the only reason to work
at the same place. There are other reasons, such
as relationship
with Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
colleagues
and self-improvement that can increase the convenience in the work
environment. Therefore
, staying in one company is not bad at all.Submitted by ivannizar on
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task achievement
Ensure that all ideas are fully expanded upon and examples are provided to illustrate points more comprehensively. For instance, the example about friendship and task exchange could be detailed further.
coherence cohesion
Double-check the essay for minor grammatical errors and typos to maintain fluency and accuracy. The errors in this essay include 'frienship' instead of 'friendship', 'carrers' instead of 'careers', and 'futhermore' instead of 'furthermore'.
coherence cohesion
Further improve logical flow by using more varied linking words and phrases. For example, instead of using 'for instance' and 'for example' repetitively, alternate with phrases like 'such as' or 'to illustrate'.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively summarize the main points discussed.
task achievement
You provided relevant specific examples that help to illustrate your points, such as those about friendship and career development.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported and logically structured, enhancing readability and understanding of the argument.
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