Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
People
hold different views about whether luck is the main reason contributing to success
or not. In my opinion, I completely disagree. I believe that effort and industriousness are the decisive factors counted for achievement.
Firstly
, there are various shining examples of people
who obtain success
based on their vigorous attempts and assiduousness. For example
, Steve Jobs, founder of Apple, spent thousands of hours coding and experimenting to bring out the great operating system that we use nowadays. Another case of accomplishment depending on the efforts is Nick Vujicic. To be more specific, despite being born disabled, he still surpassed himself and studied hard. As a result
, he gained a degree and now has become an inspirational motivation not only for disabled people
in particular
but also
for all the people
around the world in general.
Secondly
, I assume that success
is not due to
luck, it is only a small factor in determining achievement. Indeed, students who always hope to be lucky in exams and do not study will probably fail. Additionally
, the most important key to success
in exams is knowledge so without learning, luck means nothing. People
may be lucky occasionally, but if they rely on it throughout their lives, they will almost certainly be disappointed since no one can be lucky in everything forever.
In conclusion, for the reasons I have mentioned above, I strongly believe that in order to achieve goals in life, people
must be extremely endeavoured and hard-working to follow their ambition till the end.Submitted by ng.hg.ly28 on
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coherence cohesion
To improve your essay, consider incorporating more transitional phrases to ensure the flow between ideas is as smooth as possible. While it's already good, refining this aspect can elevate the overall readability.
task achievement
When presenting examples, try to elaborate slightly more on how they tie directly to your main argument. Although the examples of Steve Jobs and Nick Vujicic were effective, further clarification could make your points even stronger.
task achievement
The essay presents clear, comprehensive ideas that directly address the prompt. Your argument is well-structured and effectively conveyed.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured with a clear introduction and conclusion that tie together well with the main points. This creates a well-rounded and cohesive piece.
supported main points
The examples you provided, such as those of Steve Jobs and Nick Vujicic, are not only relevant but also compelling and support your argument effectively.
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