IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people feel that learning a foreign languageis an essential component of a child's education. Others feel that learning a foreign language is often a waste of time that can be better spent on learning technologyand other vocational subjects. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #languageis #component #child #education #language #waste #time #technologyand #subjects
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 day and age, several schools around the world always focus on
language
Use synonyms
subjects
Use synonyms
 and vocational
subjects
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 think that
language
Use synonyms
subjects
Use synonyms
 do not impact
children
Use synonyms
 when compared with
technology
Use synonyms
 and vocational because nowadays is a globalization era. In my opinion, both
subjects
Use synonyms
 are essential for living as well and it depends on what
children
Use synonyms
 are interested in and their future work.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 is better to know a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 than a mother
language
Use synonyms
 even if it isn't used much in daily
life
Use synonyms
 it enhances communication capabilities.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it can used to make friends with other countries not only in their home countries and it is
also
Linking Words
 easy to have a connection with a lot of
people
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, foreign languages are related to numerous jobs
for instance
Linking Words
, ambassador, pilot, air hostess and even engineer because is have to communicate with other
people
Use synonyms
 as mentioned on top and when they have a chance to work in foreign countries is most impactful with their
life
Use synonyms
 and work.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
technology
Use synonyms
 and vocational
subjects
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 important because in
this
Linking Words
 generation
technology
Use synonyms
 is developing the world and today's large of
people
Use synonyms
 use
technology
Use synonyms
 in daily
life
Use synonyms
 and currently have plenty of careers. Even so, vocational
subjects
Use synonyms
 and
technology
Use synonyms
 can be good choices for
children
Use synonyms
 who have a passion for it.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some
children
Use synonyms
 that interested in
technology
Use synonyms
 in the future may be their can create new machines or materials that can affect with education system or any system
likewise
Linking Words
, vocational
subjects
Use synonyms
 that good for
children
Use synonyms
 who early know about their passion for any career.
To sum up
Linking Words
, every subject is important for
life
Use synonyms
 and it depends on
children
Use synonyms
's interests . Meanwhile, parents should support even
children
Use synonyms
 who have a passion different from their own view because the main essential is support from family.
Submitted by np.napatping on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay responds to the task and discusses both views adequately but could provide a clearer stance. Make sure to explicitly state your opinion and ensure it is evident throughout your essay.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is generally clear, but make sure to avoid some repetition and maintain flow between paragraphs. Use transitional words or phrases to improve coherence.
task response
Try to provide more specific examples that clearly support your main points. This will create stronger arguments and demonstrate in-depth understanding of the topic.
task response
Review grammar and vocabulary usage to reduce errors. This will make your arguments more compelling and easier to understand. Consider simplifying longer sentences for clarity.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and summarize the essay's main points.
task response
The essay considers both views on the topic, which helps in presenting a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
There is an understanding of the basic requirements of essay organization, with distinct paragraphs for different points.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: