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Writing Samples
Band 8

Many students leave high school without learning how to manage their money. What are the reasons and solutions for this issue?

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An alarming trend has emerged where a significant number of students are graduating from high school without expenditure management skills. In
this
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 essay, some factors that contribute to
this
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 problem are addressed and some feasible solutions to tackle it are
also
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 suggested. There are two main reasons causing
this
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 issue. The first reason is that the existing learning programs lack practical courses in personal finance management.
Instead
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, almost every curriculum demands high schoolers to spend most of their time and effort on subjects like mathematics, literature, and physics which hardly teach teenagers any knowledge about how to control their monetary flows. Another cause is that students tend to be overprotected by their families when it comes to making financial decisions
due to
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 their young age and naivety.
Therefore
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, they may miss the opportunity to gain firsthand experience with money-related
problems
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, which can hinder the development of their financial skills.
Accordingly
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, there are some possible solutions to deal with these root causes.
Firstly
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, governments and school authorities should integrate financial education into the high school curriculum.
For example
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, through workshops or seminars about investing, budgeting, and saving, students can be equipped with more usable knowledge of how to control their allowance or part-time salary, making way for a more complex understanding of future financial situations.
Secondly
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, parents or guardians should be less protective and let their children be exposed to the responsibilities of managing their money. Once they have dealt with small issues, they are more likely to be ready for more critical
problems
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 in the future.
For instance
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, teenagers having run a small business
such
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 as selling food and beverage can find it easier to manage their cash flows. In conclusion, inappropriate learning programs and over-protection from families are two main reasons why high schoolers lack financial management knowledge.
However
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, these
problems
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 can be dealt with by integrating financial education into learning and letting children deal with financial
problems
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 earlier in their lives.

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task achievement
The essay addresses the task effectively by identifying two main reasons and providing two corresponding solutions. However, the reasons and solutions could be explored in greater depth to provide a more comprehensive answer.
coherence cohesion
Although the essay is logically structured, there are occasional lapses in transitioning between ideas, which can disrupt the logical flow. Using more linking words and expressions can help improve cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion that effectively summarize the main points.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant and specific examples to support the points made, making the arguments more convincing.
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