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Band 5.5

Some cities create housing areas by providing taller building. Others create housing by building houses on a wider area of land. What solution is better?

#cities #areas #houses #area #land
Nowaday
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Nowadays
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, the population is increasing and the
area
 of
land
 used is shrinking. So, creating housing areas by providing taller
building
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buildings
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 is better than creating housing by building houses on a wider
area
 of
land
. If we use up all the space on a wider
area
 of
land
, we will have to build high-rise
building
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buildings
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. Taller buildings will cover the huge demand of those hunting for a place to live in
rwhen
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when
 we talk about a city
center
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centre
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. A number of young people tend to start their
career
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careers
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 in bigger towns. Or young families will prefer cheaper housing until they save enough money for their own
farm house
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farmhouse
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 in the village. For
such
groups
Add a comma
groups,
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cozy
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cosy
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 flat is a rational option. Meanwhile, expanding houses in
horizontal
Correct article usage
a horizontal
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 direction might pose a threat to the environment and people’s
life
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lives
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. It is obvious that
land
 will not grow
while
 the population keeps increasing.
As a result
, forest
land
, the habitat of a variety of animals, can be encroached
to
Change preposition
upon to
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 make room for people.
For example
, in Brazil, a major part of forests are removed for residential
area
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areas
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, which not only endangers wildlife but
also
 puts human civilization at higher risk of natural disasters. With narrowed forests, floods and droughts have taken place more often, damaging the agriculture, the economy and other important sectors of
this
 country. In conclusion, employing the same
area
 of
land
, vertical cities can be more beneficial than horizontal cities which are not only environmentally damaging but
also
 unsustainable in the long run. Personally, it is advisable to develop their city in a vertical way as soon as possible.
Submitted by lalisamanobanta on

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clarity
Consider revising the sentence structure and phrasing for greater clarity and precision. For example, 'the area of land used is shrinking' can be rephrased to 'the available land is decreasing.'
coherence cohesion
To strengthen your coherence and cohesion, make sure that each paragraph logically flows into the next. Use more varied transitional phrases to improve the flow between ideas.
support
Provide more specific statistics or data to support your points. For instance, when talking about Brazil, include figures on deforestation rates or specific cases of floods and droughts to make your argument more compelling.
specificity
Avoid generalizations like 'A number of young people tend to start their career in bigger towns.' Be more specific or provide evidence to support such statements.
introduction conclusion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the discussion well and provide a satisfying sense of closure.
support
You have effectively provided specific examples, such as the deforestation issue in Brazil, to support your arguments.
task achievement
Your main points are clearly stated and generally well supported, providing a solid argument for vertical urban development.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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