Nowadays, people believe that governments should invest taxpayers’ money in healthcare, while others believe that money should be used in other areas. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.
Currently, there is an ongoing argument about how the
government
should allocate tax
funds in various sections. Some people
believe that the money
is supposed to be used in the health
system but others argue that it is necessary to contribute this
budget in different sectors. I am strongly of the opinion that the tax
money
should be divided into different departments such
as education
.
First of all, devoting tax
money
to healthcare is crucial because if society has convenient health
facilities and insurance like high-quality hospitals and free health
check-ups can ensure people
’s health
and increase individual government
satisfaction therefore
, this
satisfaction can increase government
authority. For example
, in some natural catastrophes, if people
do not have proper health
and life insurance, they may be confronted with some challenges. Eventually, these challenges can result in future protests that undermine the government
's authority.
However
, investing tax
funds in different sectors such
as education
will not only enhance people
’s life quality but also
improve the country’s economy. If all the population of a country have the ability to read and write they can invent innovations and help country towards the development. For example
, there are several data and studies that show countries with highly educated people
and education
systems have high economies because educated people
lead the country toward proficiency in products and economy.
In conclusion, although
health
care is an important subject among people
, I believe that the government
’s funds, specifically tax
money
have to be allocated not only to healthcare but also
to diverse sectors like education
to navigate the economy toward better function.Submitted by neginsepahvand on
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coherence cohesion
In the introduction, make sure to clearly state both sides of the argument before presenting your opinion. This will set a clearer roadmap for your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea and that each of your points is well-developed and supported with specific examples or evidence.
task achievement
Work on developing your points further. For instance, elaborate more on how highly educated people can impact the economy directly through specific industries or innovations.
task achievement
Avoid minor grammar and stylistic mistakes. For example, use 'departments' consistently instead of switching between 'sections' and 'departments', and replace 'these challenges can result in future protests' with 'these challenges could result in future protests'.
task achievement
Your essay clearly addresses the task and provides a balanced discussion of both viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized, with clear introduction and conclusion paragraphs that frame your argument effectively.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your arguments, which strengthens your points considerably.
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