Nowadays, people believe that governments should invest taxpayers’ money in healthcare, while others believe that money should be used in other areas. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

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Currently, there is an ongoing argument about how the
government
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should allocate
tax
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funds in various sections. Some
people
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believe that the
money
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is supposed to be used in the
health
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system but others argue that it is necessary to contribute
this
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budget in different sectors. I am strongly of the opinion that the
tax
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money
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should be divided into different departments
such
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as
education
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. First of all, devoting
tax
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money
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to healthcare is crucial because if society has convenient
health
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facilities and insurance like high-quality hospitals and free
health
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check-ups can ensure
people
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’s
health
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and increase individual
government
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satisfaction
therefore
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,
this
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satisfaction can increase
government
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authority.
For example
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, in some natural catastrophes, if
people
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do not have proper
health
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and life insurance, they may be confronted with some challenges. Eventually, these challenges can result in future protests that undermine the
government
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's authority.
However
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, investing
tax
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funds in different sectors
such
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as
education
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will not only enhance
people
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’s life quality but
also
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improve the country’s economy. If all the population of a country have the ability to read and write they can invent innovations and help country towards the development.
For example
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, there are several data and studies that show countries with highly educated
people
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and
education
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systems have high economies because educated
people
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lead the country toward proficiency in products and economy. In conclusion,
although
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health
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care is an important subject among
people
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, I believe that the
government
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’s funds, specifically
tax
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money
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have to be allocated not only to healthcare but
also
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to diverse sectors like
education
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to navigate the economy toward better function.
Submitted by neginsepahvand on

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coherence cohesion
In the introduction, make sure to clearly state both sides of the argument before presenting your opinion. This will set a clearer roadmap for your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea and that each of your points is well-developed and supported with specific examples or evidence.
task achievement
Work on developing your points further. For instance, elaborate more on how highly educated people can impact the economy directly through specific industries or innovations.
task achievement
Avoid minor grammar and stylistic mistakes. For example, use 'departments' consistently instead of switching between 'sections' and 'departments', and replace 'these challenges can result in future protests' with 'these challenges could result in future protests'.
task achievement
Your essay clearly addresses the task and provides a balanced discussion of both viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized, with clear introduction and conclusion paragraphs that frame your argument effectively.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your arguments, which strengthens your points considerably.
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