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Band 7.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion

#people #music #cultures #ages
One of the great ways to put
people
 from different backgrounds and ages is
music
.
Moreover
, it gives us a sense of relief. I agree with
this
 statement. In my opinion,
music
 is
such
 a good motivator for your own business and it connects all of us with the invisible ties.
Music
 has a therapeutic effect on
people
 so there is already an obscene amount of types of
music
 and
people
 have a huge obsession and passion for them.
In addition
, it helps to deal with excessive stress and just charm. It connects all the
people
 around the world by gathering around it.
For example
, American pop has been cultivated and become very huge among adolescents and day by day it's getting wider. The reason why it became so big is that the lyrics and sounds of the
music
 usually attract the listener and give energy. It's certainly true that
music
 unites humanity.
Consequently
, in order to integrate humans there are a lot of events and competitions like Eurovision. Eurovision is a nice occasion where over than 30 countries share their
music
 and talent. It will provide a chance to glorify your culture.
For instance
, Swish
music
 became popular after ending Eurovision successfully
last
 year, and each year it could vary. In conclusion,
music
 helps humanity to come together. Despite the variance of
music
 genres, it is still one of the strongest keys in the modern
music
 industry to unite the human species.
Therefore
, to put them together there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a number of awards and competitions.
Submitted by Kanapiaulydoshan on

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Cohesion and Coherence
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea, with cohesive devices like 'Furthermore,' 'However,' or 'For instance,' used to connect ideas smoothly.
Task Achievement
Include a wider range of specific examples to support your arguments. Doing so will make your essay more persuasive.
Cohesion and Coherence
Pay attention to the development of your ideas; aim for depth over breadth. Focus on explaining and expanding your points rather than simply listing them.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are eloquently written, neatly encapsulating your stance and summarizing the argument.
Task Achievement
Your perspective on music's cultural and emotional impact is engaging and well-articulated.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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