Nowadays, people believe that governments should invest tax-payer's money in healthcare, other believe that money should be used in other areas. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion
In the contemporary epoch, individuals think the whole income achieved from tax should be spent in the
health
sector. Opponents of this
standpoint believe the mentioned money must be utilized in other parts of one
country
. Both views are discussed as follows.
On the one
hand, people
who believe the majority of revenue must be dedicated to a health
issue deem health
as the most crucial problem. In addition
, in these people
's opinion, health
is inextricably intertwined with other aspects of one
country
. Hence
, without having a healthy society, progressing in economics, sports, quality of goods production and being industrialized are impossible. In their viewpoints, it is noticeable that equipping hospitals and funding impoverished people
to access appropriate treatments to alleviate their pain are among the apparent duties of politicians and, generally, everybody who is responsible for managing the country
's funds.
On the other hand
, numerous people
emphasize the importance of the other parts of one
society. They argue that although
health
plays a significant role in one
country
, education, sports, preserving the environment, and conserving traditional customs and ceremonies are somehow as vital as health
. They think not only is prepering
Correct your spelling
prepping
health
facilities a government's duty, but they must also
provide a circumstance that all children are able to study or play their favorite
sports. They ascertain the significance of a healthy mind, and the Change the spelling
favourite
health
of a mind without paying attention to all aspects of life is not practical. Thus
, managers can not afford all the budget to care for health
.
Overall
, in my view, despite deviding
the budget fairly to all sectors of Correct your spelling
dividing
one
country
has a lot of difficulties, it can guarantee the prosperity and even comprehensive health
of all people
who reside in this
highlighted country
.Submitted by speher2000behroozifar on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
You have addressed both views and provided a clear opinion, which contributes positively to task achievement. However, including more specific examples or data to support your arguments would strengthen your essay further.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay generally follows a logical structure with clear paragraphs discussing each viewpoint. The introduction and conclusion are appropriate, but ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next with effective use of linking words. This will improve the overall coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
To make your ideas clearer and more comprehensive, it would be beneficial to elaborate more on your points and provide detailed explanations. This will enhance the reader's understanding and improve the clarity of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, making it clear what the main points are and summarizing your stance on the issue.
task achievement
You have discussed both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced approach and a good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, and the main points are presented logically, which contributes to the overall coherence.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.