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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What are the reasons? What are the effects on society and family life?

#people #children #life #effects #society
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In recent years, there has been an increase in the number of married couples who decide to
transit
Wrong verb form
transition
show examples
 to parenthood later in their lifetime. There are several reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 trend which impinge not only on family
life
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 on the community as a whole. There are two main factors contributing to
this
Linking Words
 issue.
Firstly
Linking Words
, many individuals consider a successful career as the top priority
instead
Linking Words
 of having children. The majority of them believe that having a baby means they cannot dedicate all of their time to their career which could negatively affect their promotion prospects.
Secondly
Linking Words
, delaying parenthood provides young married couples
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
wide range of opportunities to enjoy their
life
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 lifestyle could let them have more time to pursue their self-interests like
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 around the world.
However
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,
this
Linking Words
 trend could bring adverse effects to both family
life
Use synonyms
 and society.
To begin
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 with,
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 upbringing can be a huge challenge for old parents. Even though they have a high position in the pecking order, it may be not easy for them to take a good parent role in terms of communication with their children
due to
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 possible generation gaps. Another negative consequence is that women having a child after 35 years old could face some potential health risks.
As a result
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,
this
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 could lead to a growth in infant mortality which
consequently
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 affects the future workforce. In conclusion, there are several explanations
to
Change preposition
as to
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 why more and more people prefer to give birth later in their
life
Use synonyms
, which might result in some drawbacks
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 family
life
Use synonyms
 and the
overall
Linking Words
 development of society.
Submitted by john.wangh18 on

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coherence cohesion
To further improve coherence, consider using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs more smoothly.
task achievement
To achieve a higher task response score, include a more elaborated discussion about potential societal impacts, along with more varied examples to illustrate points more effectively.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt, providing clear reasons and discussing the effects on society and family life.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-defined, clearly presenting the main points and summarizing the discussion effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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