IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What are the reasons? What are the effects on society and family life?

#people #children #life #effects #society
In recent years, there has been an increase in the number of married couples who decide to
transit
Wrong verb form
transition
show examples
 to parenthood later in their lifetime. There are several reasons behind
this
 trend which impinge not only on family
life
 but
also
 on the community as a whole. There are two main factors contributing to
this
 issue.
Firstly
, many individuals consider a successful career as the top priority
instead
 of having children. The majority of them believe that having a baby means they cannot dedicate all of their time to their career which could negatively affect their promotion prospects.
Secondly
, delaying parenthood provides young married couples
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
wide range of opportunities to enjoy their
life
.
For example
,
this
 lifestyle could let them have more time to pursue their self-interests like
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 around the world.
However
,
this
 trend could bring adverse effects to both family
life
 and society.
To begin
 with,
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 upbringing can be a huge challenge for old parents. Even though they have a high position in the pecking order, it may be not easy for them to take a good parent role in terms of communication with their children
due to
 possible generation gaps. Another negative consequence is that women having a child after 35 years old could face some potential health risks.
As a result
,
this
 could lead to a growth in infant mortality which
consequently
 affects the future workforce. In conclusion, there are several explanations
to
Change preposition
as to
show examples
 why more and more people prefer to give birth later in their
life
, which might result in some drawbacks
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 family
life
 and the
overall
 development of society.
Submitted by john.wangh18 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To further improve coherence, consider using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs more smoothly.
task achievement
To achieve a higher task response score, include a more elaborated discussion about potential societal impacts, along with more varied examples to illustrate points more effectively.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt, providing clear reasons and discussing the effects on society and family life.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-defined, clearly presenting the main points and summarizing the discussion effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: