TOPIC : The movement of people to cities is one of the biggest problems facing many cities today. Discuss the main causes. What solutions can be used to tackle the situation?
Nowadays, many
people
are shifting from countrysides
to urban Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
areas
and it is become a big problem. Two major causes are people
do not have same
Add an article
the same
accessibility
to education Replace the word
access
like
in cities and the kind of jobs in rural Change preposition
as
areas
are limited. This
essay will offer two solutions, the first one is transmigration and the second one is equal development
.
Transmigration is a way to moving
Wrong verb form
move
people
from a big city to a
countryside. Correct article usage
the
For example
, in Indonesia, especially in New
Order Era, the Correct article usage
the New
government
decided to sending
Change the verb
send
people
who live
Wrong verb form
lived
in
Java Island to Change preposition
on
Sumatera
and Kalimantan because Correct your spelling
Sumatra
the
excessive of citizens Change preposition
of the
in
that island. Not only that, but Change preposition
on
also
China have this
regulation and the result was good. The government
become
easier to manage their citizen. It was proven can Verb problem
makes it
decreased
the amount of Change the verb form
decrease
people
and make cities are
not as crowded as before.
The second option is the Unnecessary verb
apply
government
must build an
equal Correct article usage
apply
development
in all areas
, regardless urban
or rural Change preposition
of urban
areas
. For instance
, the government
of Indonesia want to change their capital city, from Jakarta to Kalimantan. They do this
because there are a lot of inequalities in development
. In Kalimantan, the government
will build railways
stations which never existed before. Change the noun form
railway
Therefore
, all of the citizens can have same
accessibility to education, jobs, Add an article
the same
transportations
, etc.
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
To conclude
, the program of transmigration and building equal development
are measurable and achievable. In the future, it can be considered to implement. So, the city will not experience population explosions and the countryside will get
Verb problem
apply
benefits
from it.Correct subject-verb agreement
benefit
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coherence cohesion
The essay should provide a clearer and more dominant argument that is supported consistently throughout. For instance, the benefits and potential issues of transmigration could be stated more explicitly.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammatical issues and sentence structure to improve clarity and coherence. Adopting a more varied sentence structure will enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Further develop the conclusion to reinforce the main ideas discussed. The conclusion should succinctly summarize the causes and solutions without introducing new information.
task achievement
The essay addresses both causes and solutions as required by the prompt, and maintains relevance throughout.
task achievement
Examples provided (e.g., Indonesia's transmigration program) are specific and relevant, which strengthens the argument.
coherence cohesion
Clear structure with discernible introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, making it easy to follow the essay's progression.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite