IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

The inequality between rich and poor nations is now wider than it has ever been before. What do you think are the main causes of this difference and what do you think can be done to reduce the gap ?

#inequality #nations #difference #gap
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In the modern world, the
gap
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 between rich and poor
countries
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 has become greater than in the past. In
this
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 essay, I will elaborate on some roots of
this
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 issue and propose some solutions from my point of view.
To begin
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 with, there are several main causes of the widening
gap
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 between the wealthy and poverty-stricken
nations
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. The first root may come from disasters
such
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 as pandemics or civil wars.
For instance
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, in the case of pandemics,
although
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 both the rich and poor
countries
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 may be adversely affected, the former, which have better medical facilities and,
therefore
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, better preventive measures and treatment, will sustain lesser damage to their people and economy compared to the latter.
This
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 will undoubtedly contribute to furthering the
gap
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 between them.
Secondly
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, another cause can originate from an inadequacy of investment in education in poor
nations
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.
That is
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, the talented in
such
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countries
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 can usually be attracted by well-equipped infrastructure in the wealthier, which, in turn, deprives the poorer
countries
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 of the human resources necessary for their prosperity.
On the other hand
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, there are several remedial approaches that may be implemented.
First,
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international organizations,
such
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 as the United
Nations
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, should urge wealthy
countries
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 to aid their poorer counterparts in terms of education and facilities in return for certain benefits that can later be discussed. With
this
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 aid, developing
countries
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 can upgrade their infrastructure and ameliorate various socioeconomic aspects in order to fight against epidemics and resolve their internal affairs.
However
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, the government should adopt deliberate policies which attract and retain their genius and simultaneously open their economies to foreign investments.
As a consequence
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, with collaboration between the two aforementioned factors, the poverty of Third-world
nations
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 can be
thus
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 alleviated, narrowing the
gap
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 between underdeveloped and affluent
countries
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. In conclusion, disasters and a shortage of educational investment can be the main roots of the ever-widening
gap
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 between poor and rich
nations
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.
Nonetheless
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, by means of the aforementioned measures,
such
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 discrepancy existing in our world will hopefully someday be bridged.
Submitted by lutranthevinh0610 on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a complete response to the task, covering both the causes of the inequality and potential solutions. However, to improve, you could expand some points with more detailed examples or data.
task achievement
While your ideas are clear and comprehensive, there are some places where the language could be slightly more precise. For example, 'wealthier' could be replaced with 'more developed countries'.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is good, and your arguments are presented in a clear and organized manner. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, using more linking words and phrases to connect your points more coherently.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is well-supported with evidence or examples. For instance, when discussing international aid, you might give a specific example of a successful aid program.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets up the essay by clearly stating what you will discuss. The conclusion also successfully summarises your main points and reiterates your stance.
task achievement
Your essay offers relevant examples that illustrate your points well, making your arguments more convincing.
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