Working long hours causes a great deal of stress and can be very bad for health. The government must find a way to reduce this type of stress. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
Overworking has become a reason for regulations of
stress
, which leads to serious health problems at the same time. Authorities ought to be active in finding a solution to decrease it. Although
the government
plays an integral role in reducing working hours
, I firmly believe bosses
of companies are able to manage free-time activities to overcome stress
.
The directors of the companies should take responsibility for planning a variety of breaks during their employees' work
time, as bosses
are aware of the situations and causes that may make workers
stressed.For example
, organizing fitness clubs in the workplace or providing vouchers for vacations would be an excellent way to make employees happy and help them get rid of stress
.In addition
, workers
may utilize these facilities regularly with the purpose of relaxing and staying in a good mood during their work
time.As a result
, bosses
are more responsible for managing a range of cheerful activities for their workers
.
On the other hand
, the government
also
has a crucial role in addressing overwork by reducing excessive work
hours
.For instance
,enforcing regulations on working hours
and encouraging companies to adapt their flexible work
schedules can help workers
reduce stress
and improve overall
well-being.Meanwhile,most of
Change preposition
apply
the
people will followCorrect article usage
apply
Correct article usage
the
Correct article usage
the
government
in their workplace. Additionally
,government
plays a significant role Correct article usage
the government
of
managing extra working Change preposition
in
hours
which leads to stress
.
In conclusion, while
the government
can address this
problem by implementing regulations to limit excessive work
hours
, I firmly believe that company bosses
can address it more swiftly by creating a relaxed atmosphere for their workers
. By doing so, they can directly influence the work
environment and immediately reduce stress
levels among their employees.Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
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task achievement
Your essay presents relevant ideas and examples, but there's room for development of some points. Try to elaborate more on the specific measures the government can take and the immediate benefits provided by employers to make your argument more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Work on the introduction and conclusion for even greater clarity. Your introduction could provide a broader context for the issue, and the conclusion could more emphatically summarize your key points and their implications.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are clearly communicated and your argument is easy to follow. You've successfully connected the role of both the government and employers in addressing stress caused by long hours.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a clear progression of ideas, making your argument more compelling.
task achievement
You made good use of examples, such as fitness clubs and vouchers for vacations, to illustrate your points.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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