IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions.

#crime #rate #teenagers #countries
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In many countries, young people are more inclined to be involved in criminal
activities
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 compared to the past.The reasons behind
this
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 issue are a lack of parental guidance
as well as
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 social media and to address
this
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 problem effectively,enhancing parental involvement. One major factor that induces teenagers to commit crimes is that
parents
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 do not pay enough attention to their
children
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.
This
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 is because they have hectic schedules and many responsibilities,and they do not have enough time to guide them.
Consequently
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,they tend to have maladjusted personalities and ultimately,to do criminal
activities
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.
For example
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,in many cities
such
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 as Los Angeles and London,as
parents
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 do not have enough time to supervise their
children
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,they are not raised properly and it leads to an increase in crime rate.
Moreover
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, social media can push
children
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 towards criminal
activities
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 because they have inappropriate content and the young generation watches these content and videos which can result in behavioural disorder and committing crimes. Regarding the solutions,
parents
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 should pay enough attention to their
children
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 and should teach them what is wrong and what is right.In
this
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 case,teenagers can be deterred from doing criminal
activities
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 and have proper behaviours.
For instance
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,in the countryside in Azerbaijan, as
parents
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 supervise their
children
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 sufficiently and teach them the difference between right and wrong ,
children
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 in these places have a healthy mind and the crime rate is lower. In conclusion,the influence of social media and lack of parental guidance are primary factors that push the young towards crime.
However
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, it is possible to deal with
this
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 issue by involving
parents
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 to deter
children
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 from
this
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 tendency.
Submitted by Name_1234 on

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coherence cohesion
Incorporate varied sentence structures to enhance readability and express your ideas more effectively. While the overall structure is clear, more complex sentences could further improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Consider integrating direct, clear examples to support your points more explicitly. This will help strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
task achievement
You've successfully discussed both reasons for the increase in teenage crime rates and proposed viable solutions, fulfilling the essay task comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
You made good use of paragraphs to structure your essay, clearly separating different ideas, which contributes positively to the coherence and cohesion of your writing.
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