IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Today children are surrounded by electronic devices such as personal computers, tablet computers, and smart phones, and they learn to use them at a very early age. What are advantages and disadvantages of this situation?

#children #devices #computers #tablet #phones #age #situation
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Nowadays,
technology
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 and smart
devices
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 have become popular among
children
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. Almost every child has his or her own device, which has its benefits and drawbacks. The learning process is getting easier these days.
Technology
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 provides
children
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 with various resources.
Hence
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, families no longer need to pay for educational institutions. Different kinds of languages, arts, and subjects can be learned independently through their
devices
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.
Furthermore
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, kids will be familiar with
technology
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. Technical
skills
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 are considered one of the most important
skills
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 in the future.
Furthermore
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, it can enhance essential
skills
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such
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 as problem-solving. Technical issues can encourage
children
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 to think critically and outside the box.
On the other hand
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,
technology
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 can have a negative influence on
children
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's social lives.
This
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 generation spends a large amount of time on
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
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 rather than joining family gatherings or doing real-time activities with their peers.
This
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 disassociation can result in poor communication
skills
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 and an unhealthy lifestyle.
For instance
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, playing in
this
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 generation means joining online rooms for video games, which will decrease their body movements and increase the consumption of unhealthy snacks. Another disadvantage is the impact of the
devices
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' emissions. It is controversial, but some researchers pointed out that the harmful emissions could affect kids' growth and cause hormonal imbalance.
To sum up
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, electronic
devices
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 have
an
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apply
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essential benefits
such
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 as an easy learning process and fabulous technical
skills
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.
However
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, they should be taken with precautions as they have serious drawbacks. It is preferable that adults oversee
children
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while
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 they using the internet.
Submitted by remasalotaibi678 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to use a variety of linking words and phrases to ensure smoother transitions between ideas. This will improve the overall cohesion of the essay.
task achievement
Consider adding more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and relatable.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task, addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of children using electronic devices.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are well-structured and clearly present the main points of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The main ideas are clear and comprehensive, contributing to a coherent argument throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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