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Writing Samples
Band 5

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world Do you think this is a postive or negative development?

#countries #people #products #world #postive #development
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Nowadays, it is said that different places are
turning
Verb problem
becoming
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 similar because of the availability of
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 materials
in
Change preposition
apply
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all over the
world
Use synonyms
. I think
this
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 is a negative development because it puts an end to
uniqueness
Add an article
the uniqueness
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 of every country and individual. We are living in
diverse
Add an article
a diverse
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world
Use synonyms
 with multi-cultural and multi-religious
people
Use synonyms
.
This
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 has given every nation a different identity and values. In fact,
this
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 is what makes them different and beautiful.
However
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, with the availability of
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 materials
through out
Correct your spelling
throughout
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 the
world
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 started to imitate one another. It is difficult to differentiate who is who. The uniqueness is on the verge of extinction.
For instance
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: the
western
Capitalize word
Western
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 lifestyles and Asian way of living are very different from one another.
However
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, the influence of
western
Capitalize word
Western
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 culture has been huge these days. Asian
people
Use synonyms
 wear more pants and
t shirts
Add a hyphen
t-shirts
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 rather than their cultural dresses.
On the other hand
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, we should preserve our culture and traditions. We must not forget them. We look good on our own skin and clothes.
Moreover
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, we must not lose our identity.
Therefore
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, I do not support my country and
people
Use synonyms
 becoming just like any other place and vice-versa.It is good to share things between different countries but we must not lose our identity.
To conclude
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, the availability of
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 products
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 becoming easy all over the
world
Use synonyms
such
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 as clothes.
Therefore
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, if many
people
Use synonyms
 from different backgrounds wear
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 clothes , they may appear similar.
However
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, they have their own culture and traditions to keep too .
Hence
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, it may have
nagative
Correct your spelling
negative
 impacts on these notes.
Submitted by raialon4047 on

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task achievement
While you have addressed the task with clear arguments, try to provide more specific and diverse examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and show a thorough understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Consider breaking down some of the longer paragraphs into shorter, more focused ones to improve readability. Connecting your ideas smoothly from one paragraph to another will enhance coherence.
language
Revise some grammar and vocabulary to avoid repetition and improve precision. For instance, replace "same materials" with "similar products" or "uniform goods" for variety.
introduction
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for your argument, and you have a clear thesis statement that outlines your position.
conclusion
The conclusion successfully summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance on the topic, which provides a sense of closure.
content depth
You have a strong understanding of the cultural aspects that are lost due to globalization, which shows depth in your analysis.
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