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Band 6

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people think a solution can be to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #price #foods
The issue of rising obesity
rates
 is a significant public health concern. One proposed
solution
Add an article
the solution
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 is to increase the price of fattening
foods
,
such
 as sugary snacks and fast
foods
, to discourage consumption. In my perspective,
while
this
 approach has its merits,it is not a comprehensive solution. On one hand,
this
 approach excessively affects low-income individuals who may already
struggle
Change the form of the verb
struggling
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 to afford food. Simply raising prices without providing affordable, healthy alternatives could worsen food insecurity.
Additionally
, people may not always make healthier choices even when prices change; habits, preferences, and lack of nutritional education play significant roles in food choices. If individuals were more aware of the dangers of consuming oily products and sugary substances, the chances of cutting down those substances from their diet
increases
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increase
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 considerably.
On the other hand
, higher prices might deter people from purchasing unhealthy options, leading them to choose healthier alternatives.
This
 economic strategy has been effective in other areas,
such
 as various cigarette controls, where higher taxes have led to reduced smoking
rates
.
Therefore
, by making unhealthy
foods
 less affordable, the community could potentially see a decrease in obesity
rates
 and a healthier community. A more effective solution would involve a multipurpose approach. Alongside price increases, governments should invest in public health campaigns to educate people about nutrition and healthy eating.
Furthermore
, funding healthy
foods
 to make them more affordable and accessible is
also
 crucial. In conclusion,
while
 increasing the price of fattening
foods
 might contribute to reducing obesity
rates
, it should be part of a broader strategy that includes education and providing money for nutritious
foods
.
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task achievement
To enhance the task response, provide more specific examples or evidence. This will make the argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly. Adding transitional phrases can improve the flow.
coherence cohesion
Clarify the language in certain parts to avoid generalizations. Be precise in outlining solutions or arguments.
introduction conclusion present
Well-structured introduction and conclusion, which are clearly present and serve their purpose.
supported main points
Main points are relevant and supported, making the essay cohesive.
coherence cohesion
The use of a multipurpose approach demonstrates comprehensive thinking and a balanced perspective.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
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