More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people think a solution can be to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The issue of rising obesity
rates
is a significant public health concern. One proposed
solution
is to increase the price of fattening Add an article
the solution
foods
, such
as sugary snacks and fast foods
, to discourage consumption. In my perspective, while
this
approach has its merits,it is not a comprehensive solution.
On one hand, this
approach excessively affects low-income individuals who may
already struggle
to afford food. Simply raising prices without providing affordable, healthy alternatives could worsen food insecurity. Change the form of the verb
struggling
Additionally
, people may not always make healthier choices even when prices change; habits, preferences, and lack of nutritional education play significant roles in food choices. If individuals were more aware of the dangers of consuming oily products and sugary substances, the chances of cutting down those substances from their diet increases
considerably.
Change the verb form
increase
On the other hand
, higher prices might deter people from purchasing unhealthy options,
leading them to choose healthier alternatives. This
economic strategy has been effective in other areas, such
as various cigarette controls, where higher taxes have led to reduced smoking rates
. Therefore
, by making unhealthy foods
less affordable, the community could potentially see a decrease in obesity rates
and a healthier community.
A more effective solution would involve a multipurpose approach. Alongside price
increases, governments should invest in public health campaigns to educate people about nutrition and healthy eating. Furthermore
, funding healthy foods
to make them more affordable and accessible is also
crucial.
In conclusion, while
increasing the price of fattening foods
might contribute to reducing
obesity rates
, it should be part of a broader strategy that includes education and providing money for nutritious foods
.Submitted by TUTOO on
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task achievement
To enhance the task response, provide more specific examples or evidence. This will make the argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly. Adding transitional phrases can improve the flow.
coherence cohesion
Clarify the language in certain parts to avoid generalizations. Be precise in outlining solutions or arguments.
introduction conclusion present
Well-structured introduction and conclusion, which are clearly present and serve their purpose.
supported main points
Main points are relevant and supported, making the essay cohesive.
coherence cohesion
The use of a multipurpose approach demonstrates comprehensive thinking and a balanced perspective.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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