Some employers want to be able to contact their staff at all times, even on holidays. Does this development have more advantages than disadvantages?
In recent times,
the
advancements in technology Correct article usage
apply
allow
us to stay in Wrong verb form
have allowed
contact
at all times. This
development allows employers to contact
their staff whenever needed, including during holidays. This
trend
has both advantages and disadvantages, however
, I believe that the problems surpass the benefits.
To begin
with, this
recent trend
that permits the
employers to Correct article usage
apply
contact
the
employees at any time does have a few benefits, Correct article usage
apply
such
as it allows them to take reports and ensure if
all the work allocated to an individual was completed as per the promised deadline. Correct word choice
that
For instance
, if a project needs to be submitted, and the company’s reputation is at stake. The employer can call his employees and ask them to prepare a presentation as it is something that requires immediate attention.
On one hand, this
trend
benefits the company, however
, on the other hand
, it has detrimental effects on the employee’s personal life. It negatively impacts their work-life balance,
and does not allow them to have any personal time. Remove the comma
apply
As a consequence
, the mental health of these individuals is severely affected. Recent studies have shown that depression rates are consistently increasing, moreover
, people are starting to hate their jobs more than ever before, owing to this
trend
which takes away time from their private lives.
In my opinion, there should be separation
of work and private life. Working hours should be limited to when an individual comes to the office, and once they reach home, they should be allowed to be present there. Add an article
a separation
the separation
Furthermore
, this
would lead to happy and healthy individuals, who would be able to work more efficiently, thus
, benefiting the company. In conclusion, I believe the disadvantages of this
trend
are more than the advantages, and employers should not be allowed to contact
their staff unless it is an absolute emergency.Submitted by khushichhillar on
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Task Response
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, it could benefit from a stronger thesis statement that clearly outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay.
Task Response
You have provided a relevant example, but developing it further with more specific details could strengthen your arguments. For instance, describe the project scenario in more detail and how the immediate attention benefits the company.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, try to use more varied linking words and phrases to connect your ideas smoothly. This will help in making your essay flow better.
Task Response
Your essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas on the topic. You have covered both sides of the argument, which adds depth to your response.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion summarizes your points effectively and reiterates your stance on the issue, creating a strong finish.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure, which makes it easy to follow your arguments and understand your perspective.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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