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Band 7

Some people say that the main enviromental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals.Others say that there are more important enviromental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #time #loss #species #plants #animals
In the past decade, an environmental issue has been increasing,
such
 as the extinction of particular species of
plants
 and
animals
.
However
, other are more crucial problems as well.
This
 essay will give two main environmental pressing issues. First of all, these days a lot of industries are developing which is especially chemistry factories.
This
 means that these manufacturers produce many kinds of products year by year which can help human lives, but one of the disadvantages is that industries throw away a lot of chemical waste in landscapes and rivers.
Therefore
, toxic wastes have harmful effects on particular species of
plants
 and
animals
.
As a result
, those
plants
 and
animals
 have disappeared.
Secondly
, nowadays many countries are commercialising which is tourism.
For example
, the countries have to develop their economic situation, they usually create new local entertainment buildings and
then
 attract tourists.
Moreover
, tourism has been rising in that country it is good for inflation,
whereas
 bad effect on the environment.
Consequently
, if tourism has grown steadily,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
companies will be able to build new entertainment places.
This
 means that they would be cutting down a lot of trees and damaging in environment which is deforestation. In my opinion, all countries must protect our planet and
animals
 from external harmful factors as long as possible.
Therefore
, it is an individual's obligation to create a safe environment for the next generation. In conclusion, we have to consider the main environmental problem extinction of particular species of
plants
 and
animals
,
as well as
 other environmental issues as soon as possible.
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coherence
Try to enhance the logical flow between paragraphs to create a more coherent essay. Use clear linking words and phrases to connect your points more fluidly.
task achievement
Further develop your ideas and provide more specific examples and details to better support your arguments. This will help strengthen your essay and make your points more convincing.
language
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that affect the clarity of your ideas. Review and correct these to enhance the overall readability of your essay.
task achievement
You have introduced the topic well and provided a clear response to the prompt. Your introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced view on the topic. This is important for a high task response score.
coherence
Your paragraphs are structured with a clear main idea and supporting details, which helps maintain the coherence and cohesion of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
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