Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development

Nowadays, many

children

are engaged in using their

smartphones

This

is because

this

technology

widespread

Add a missing verb

is widespread

show examples

and needed. I firmly believe that it is an advantageous development only if don't use it excessively .

This

essay will provide several reasons to support

this

argument. With advancements in the contemporary world, many people even

children

can access

smartphones

. These devices become an integral part of our lives, so without them, it would be difficult to maintain our daily routine. For

children

this

could be a positive phenomenon if their parents monitor them . They can enhance their

knowledge

with

smartphones

For instance

, I used to read online books on my smartphone , when I was a child.

This

increased my

overall

general

knowledge

Therefore

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

beneficial for those interested in gaining valuable

knowledge

Moreover

smartphones

are essential for education. There are many online teachers who teach for free. To get benefits from all these amenities, they must be involved in the usage of

smartphones

properly.

Also

, in schools, we should allow

children

to use their

smartphones

to fulfil some tasks more practically compared to paper-based ones

such

as taking notes or making calculations on their

smartphones

Thus

, for better quality of education, new technologies should be adopted for the usage of

children

at school. In conclusion,

due to

recent progress that has been made in technology, many

children

can access and use

smartphones

This

is vitally important for their daily lives. Through control by their parents, they should utilize

this

device to receive new

knowledge

and for their study.

Smartphones

are significant for the betterment of education and student's academic development.

Submitted by Yasar Khan on Sat Sep 07 2024

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task achievement

Try to strengthen your main points with more concrete and varied examples to make the argument more compelling.

coherence cohesion

Ensure the ideas in each paragraph have smooth transitions to enhance the logical flow, making the essay easier to follow.

grammar

Ensure consistent and accurate use of articles and prepositions to improve readability and overall writing quality.

task achievement

The introduction clearly states the topic and the writer's position, setting a strong foundation for the essay.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the writer's stance, providing a satisfying end to the essay.

task achievement

Usage of personal examples, like the mention of reading online books, adds a personal touch and relevance to the essay.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

270 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development

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