Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development

Nowadays, many
children
are engaged in using their
smartphones
.
This
is because
this
technology
widespread
Add a missing verb
is widespread
show examples
and needed. I firmly believe that it is an advantageous development only if don't use it excessively .
This
essay will provide several reasons to support
this
argument. With advancements in the contemporary world, many people even
children
can access
smartphones
. These devices become an integral part of our lives, so without them, it would be difficult to maintain our daily routine. For
children
,
this
could be a positive phenomenon if their parents monitor them . They can enhance their
knowledge
with
smartphones
.
For instance
, I used to read online books on my smartphone , when I was a child.
This
increased my
overall
general
knowledge
.
Therefore
,
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
beneficial for those interested in gaining valuable
knowledge
.
Moreover
,
smartphones
are essential for education. There are many online teachers who teach for free. To get benefits from all these amenities, they must be involved in the usage of
smartphones
properly.
Also
, in schools, we should allow
children
to use their
smartphones
to fulfil some tasks more practically compared to paper-based ones
such
as taking notes or making calculations on their
smartphones
.
Thus
, for better quality of education, new technologies should be adopted for the usage of
children
at school. In conclusion,
due to
recent progress that has been made in technology, many
children
can access and use
smartphones
.
This
is vitally important for their daily lives. Through control by their parents, they should utilize
this
device to receive new
knowledge
and for their study.
Smartphones
are significant for the betterment of education and student's academic development.
Submitted by Yasar Khan on

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task achievement
Try to strengthen your main points with more concrete and varied examples to make the argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the ideas in each paragraph have smooth transitions to enhance the logical flow, making the essay easier to follow.
grammar
Ensure consistent and accurate use of articles and prepositions to improve readability and overall writing quality.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states the topic and the writer's position, setting a strong foundation for the essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the writer's stance, providing a satisfying end to the essay.
task achievement
Usage of personal examples, like the mention of reading online books, adds a personal touch and relevance to the essay.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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