These days in some countries an increasing number of young adults are choosing their whole weekends inside homes. Why do you think it is happening ? Is this a positive or negative development?
It has become more common for young adults to spend whole weekends at home. Their growing dependence on technology is the primary reason for
this
trend and I believe this
is a negative development, for it promotes an unhealthy lifestyle regardless of some positive consequence with a lower crime rate.
On the one hand, young people spending their whole weekends indoors brings about some benefits as they are less likely to cause trouble outside. The growing popularity of electric gadgets, which is the most significant cause of this
phenomenon, encourages them to stay at home playing games and socializing with friends online. This
leads to an incredible drop in crimes committed by young adults, promoting more harmony and peace in society. Furthermore
, they tend to have less conflict with others due to
reduced opportunities for their interaction. In addition
, they can even avoid serious fights as they easily quit relationships in digital
world.
Add an article
the digital
a digital
On the other hand
, staying at home during entire
holidays is disadvantageous to young adults as they are less motivated to do exercise. Indeed, it has become more troublesome for them to go out and play sports in the park when they are provided with exciting games and thrilling movies by their smartphones. Correct article usage
the entire
This
will lead to a great decline in their physical conditions as they continue to sit for an extended period of time and young people today will not possess as much stamina and muscle as they used to a decade ago. Consequently
, the chance of getting diseases and becoming obese will rise dramatically, making them more vulnerable in future.
In conclusion, young people are more likely to stay indoors during weekends because they are more reliant on technology, which allows them to enjoy various forms of entertainment. This
is generally a negative development as it deprives them of chances to go out and participate in some physical training, raising their risks of diseases and obesity.Submitted by mizuho on
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advice
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
advice
Ensure that your ideas are elaborated in a balanced manner. Some points could be expanded more to provide a fuller picture.
positive highlight
The essay addresses the prompt effectively by discussing reasons for the trend and both positive and negative aspects of it.
positive highlight
The essay is well-structured, with clear paragraphs and logical progression of ideas.
positive highlight
The main points are supported with clear reasoning and adequately explained.
positive highlight
The introduction and conclusion are effectively written and provide a good framework for the discussion.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite