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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people get into debt by buying things they do not need and are unable to afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour?

#people #debt #behaviour
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Many
people
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 are trapped into debt by being consumptive for buying things that are not really important and which they cannot afford. In my view,
this
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behaviour
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 occurs because often
people
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 want to impress their peers.
Moreover
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, impulsive buying can happen because
people
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 do not have enough
knowledge
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 about finance.
This
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 can be changed by being mindful of themselves, and not actually paying attention to what other
people
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 are thinking.
Firstly
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,
such
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 acts as impulsive buying can happen
due to
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 the fact that many
people
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 care more about their surrounding opinions
about
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apply
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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than their own actual needs.
Furthermore
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, the act of sudden buying will only satisfy their ego, not fulfil their needs. One clear example is when something that person really needs is a new bag to carry around work stuff,
on the other hand
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, their peers pressure them to buy a fancy bag and make them end up buying the fancy bag.
Secondly
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, the
behaviour
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 can occur when
people
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 do not have adequate
knowledge
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 about finance.
As a result
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, it can lead to unwise financial decisions
such
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 as sudden buying without concern about whether it is urgent or not.
For
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this
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 reason, if
this
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 kind of
behaviour
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 is kept repeating will result in financial shambles for that respective individual.
For instance
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,
people
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 with a good salary but who do not have financial
knowledge
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 will often splurge their salary to buy things that have no urgency. That kind of
behaviour
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 can be prevented by focusing on what actually matters, not what can impress
people
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. By being mindful, the urge to splurge huge amounts of money to impulsively buy something can be suppressed. In conclusion, impressing
people
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 and not having financial
knowledge
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 could be a disaster for your finances. One of the ways to prevent it is to be mindful of acquiring something
that is
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 really needed.
Submitted by nputera.ramadhani on

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Provide more specific examples to strengthen the arguments. This can help to make the points more tangible and relatable to the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between paragraphs. Ensure that transitions clearly show how one idea leads to the next, which will improve the overall coherence of the essay.
task achievement
Ensure that each point is fully developed and explained before moving on to the next. This will help to build a stronger argument and make the overall essay more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in understanding the main points discussed.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly sets the context and the conclusion provides a summary of the main arguments, which helps in reinforcing the points made.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task prompt by discussing reasons and providing potential solutions, which shows a good understanding of the task requirements.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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