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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #competition #work #school #life
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Whilst some
people
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 tend to think that rivalry at
work
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, at
school
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 and in daily life increases
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quality
Correct article usage
the quality
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 and productivity of the
work
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, others believe in the
work
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 of several
people
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 in achieving one goal. In my opinion, cooperation is better than
competition
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, since it comprises different individuals with various skills that
makes
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make
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 achieving a goal in any sphere a lot easier. On the one hand,
competition
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 can serve as a
motivider
Correct your spelling
motive
 for some
people
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 to do a particular job better than others, which leads to the growth of
quality
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. The vast majority of the schools and jobs are using
competition
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 as a tool to boost
productivity
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the productivity
show examples
 of the members and to achieve a better result. Because,
people
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 tend to compare themselves with others
,
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apply
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 so that they
could
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can
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 evaluate their chances
to be
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of being
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 the best. Usually, the winner of the
competition
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 gets something worth,
such
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 as respect, admiration, and promotion.
For example
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,
school
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 students always compete with each other to be ranked first. It will give them a better
chances
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chance
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 to get accepted to university.
Furthermore
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, the more competitive the
school
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, the more students are valuable, since
competitive
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a competitive
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 environment
rises
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raises
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 the
quality
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 of education.
On the other hand
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, cooperation is a good thing, since various
people
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 would
work
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 together to achieve the goal. It makes any process at
school
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, at
work
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 or in daily life a lot easier. Working or studying
together with
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 colleagues or friends does not put on a person a huge responsibility and pressure.
Conversily
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Conversely
, an individual would have a particular responsibility in a team, which increases focus on the specific task.
Moreover
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, teammates
also
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 can be supporters.
For example
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, if one member can not tackle the task,
opinions
Correct article usage
the opinions
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 and help of the other members can accelerate the solving of the problem. Psychologists say that working in a team decreases fear of responsibility, which
otherwise
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 could lead to procrastination or low productivity at
work
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. In conclusion, rivalry among students or
colleages
Correct your spelling
colleagues
 can increase
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quality
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the quality
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 of the
work
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.
Nevertheless
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, cooperation and networking of the
people
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 make the process easier.
Submitted by IELTS nis on

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Grammar
There are a few grammatical inaccuracies throughout. Try seeking direct feedback on specific errors or practicing with grammar exercises.
Task Achievement
While the examples are clear and relevant, expanding on some points with more detail or additional examples could further strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
You presented a balanced discussion, considering both views, which demonstrates depth in understanding and analysis.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure is logical, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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