IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Some believe that it is a natural process for animal species to become extinct (e.g. dinosaurs, dodos, etc.) and, therefore, there is no reason to try to prevent this from happening. Do you agree or disagree?

#believe #process #species #e #g #dinosaurs #dodos #reason
Some argue that it is not required to prevent animal extinction as it is a natural process.
This
 essay disagrees with the statement because it is our duty and it will disrupt the environment. Humans have a moral duty to preserve other life forms on Earth. We have been given a gift of consciousness that allows us to communicate freely with other people. Our brains are way more developed to comprehend
this
 phenomenon. Creatures,
however
, are helpless on that front. They do not have the ability to express or ask for help. But, we humans can understand all of these. Despite being a superior life form, if we choose to ignore these alarming activities happening around us,
then
 our moral compass needs to be checked.
For example
, Storks were on the brink of annihilation till the citizens of Europe decided to build special nests to ensure they breed and grow and have a near-perfect environment to sustain their lives. In case, we choose to allow them to be extinct,
then
 the sheer impact it will have on nature is worrisome. Removing one participant from the food chain creates an imbalance that cannot be brought back to a usual level.
For instance
, if honeybees suddenly vanish from the world, in that case, more bears will have to turn to the flesh because there is no more natural honey production thereby threatening other animals living in the jungle. In conclusion, the idea of men preserving wildlife to prevent an imbalance in the world should be widely celebrated because it will do the world only good.
Submitted by majumdarnilesh21 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While the response directly addresses the essay question, expanding the arguments with more in-depth examples and exploration of ideas would enhance the completeness.
task achievement
Some sentences could be clearer to ensure the ideas are thoroughly comprehensive. For example, expanding on what 'disrupting the environment' entails would strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, consider linking some of the ideas more smoothly and avoiding abrupt transitions between points. Using cohesive devices can help in making the essay flow better.
coherence cohesion
The essay does a good job of presenting a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively wrap up the arguments.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported with relevant examples, making the arguments more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is solid, with each paragraph focusing on one main idea.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!