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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#enquiries #tourist #information #office #city #period #features #comparisons
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The line graph illustrates the information that number of
enquiries
Use synonyms
 received by three various
mode
Change to a plural noun
modes
show examples
 of communication
such
Linking Words
 as in person, by letter/email and by
telephone
Use synonyms
 at
tourist
Add an article
the tourist
show examples
 information office
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a city over a
six month
Add a hyphen
six-month
show examples
 period from
January
Use synonyms
 to
June
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2011.
Overall
Linking Words
, the office received the most
enquiries
Use synonyms
 by
in person
Add a hyphen
in-person
show examples
 mode of communication and the least
enquiries
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
by
telephone
Use synonyms
. In detail,
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning of the period, which is
January
Use synonyms
enquiries
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 around 410
by
Change preposition
per
show examples
 person and it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased slightly by 200 from
february
Change the capitalization
February
show examples
 to match
then
Linking Words
 it doubled by 400 from match until
may
Capitalize the word
May
show examples
, it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
reached the highest number of
enquiries
Use synonyms
 in
June
Use synonyms
 month, which is 1900.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
January
Use synonyms
, by letter/ email and by
telephone
Use synonyms
 had 700 and 900
enquiries
Use synonyms
 respectively. After that by letter/email was decreased mildly until
march
Capitalize word
March
show examples
, at 650 and there was a gradual shrink from match to
may
Capitalize word
May
show examples
, from 650 to 370 and it remained stable until
may
Capitalize the word
May
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
telephone
Use synonyms
enquiries
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the highest number of
enquiries
Use synonyms
 than others in
January
Use synonyms
, at 900 and there was a
fluctation
Correct your spelling
fluctuation
 and up and down trend from
January
Use synonyms
 to match, from 900 to 1000, it remained stable until April, at 1000. There was a moderate increase from April to
June
Use synonyms
 and it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
reached 1600
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
June
Use synonyms
 month.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 77%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words enquiries, telephone, january, june with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • number of inquiries
  • Tourist Information Office
  • six-month period
  • increased steadily
  • reached a peak
  • decreased slightly
  • increased dramatically
  • experienced a gradual decline
  • general trend
  • highest number
  • lowest number
  • significant increase
  • tourism interest
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