IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drink that has scientifically been proved to have bad effects on people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree？

#people #shops #food #drink #effects #health #disagree？
With access to cheap labour and low-quality chemicals that are used to produce foods, some
people
 argue that shops should not be allowed to sell any
food
 or drinks that have been scientifically proven to have bad effects on
people
's health. I am against
this
 topic. A lot of things these days have a bad effect on
people
's health, like pollution and the way waste is disposed of.
While
 we can not change things that are on a huge level,
people
 argue that we should not be allowed to sell any
food
 or drink that has been proven to be bad for us. Most
people
 forget that,
such
 things have consumers because it is affordable to almost everyone and
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 used in celebrations and other events, Coca-Cola is proven to be harmful but because it is affordable and tastes good, it is used in events and occasions.
While
 I think
people
 should stop consuming these foods and drinks, I
also
 think that the laws of a country should put a limit on the amounts of ingredients used that cause harm to our bodies. As someone who lives in India, I have seen
people
 go for the cheaper alternative which causes harm to gain maximum revenue, and I am against it completely, I think that consumption of healthy
food
 should be under the right to live as it increases life expectancy and
hence
, improves
quality
Add an article
the quality
show examples
 of life.
To conclude
, I do not think that shops should not be allowed to sell foods or drinks that have been proven to cause harm because they are a huge part of revenue for the country and the
people
 living in it, I think that we should pay more attention to the ingredients that are used to make the
food
 and try to limit them.
Submitted by satyarthverma88 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Although you have stated your position clearly, consider refining your introduction to make it more concise and directly related to the essay question.
task achievement
Expand on your arguments and provide more specific examples to substantiate your points. This will enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs with topic sentences to improve logical structure. Ensure each paragraph has a single focus and transitions smoothly to the next.
coherence cohesion
Add more linking phrases and transitions between ideas to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
You have made a clear stand on the topic, which is essential for a good task response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a conclusion that summarizes your stance effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • scientifically proven
  • personal freedom
  • individual choices
  • healthcare costs
  • economic impact
  • consumer empowerment
  • outright bans
  • education campaigns
  • scientific research
  • regulated industry
  • nutritional information
  • infringe
  • awareness
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!