In many countries, parents are deciding to have children later in their lives. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
In
this
day and age, early fertility in the age of twenties has been widely delayed until the age of thirty or so in many young couples all over the world. Linking Words
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
trend
may reduce the Use synonyms
birth
Use synonyms
rate
and worsen the ageing Use synonyms
problem
, I believe that giving Use synonyms
birth
later in Use synonyms
life
could bring more benefits to families and Use synonyms
society
as well.
On the one hand, a few disadvantages of having children late in Use synonyms
life
could be named as Use synonyms
birth
Use synonyms
rate
reduction and the ageing Use synonyms
problem
. Those problems have become worrying and alarming in some developed countries Use synonyms
whe
re late marriage has been a sacrifice for personal career growth and prioritized economic development among young generations for decades. Some typical examples Correct your spelling
who
we
following
Linking Words
this
tendency could be Canada, England, and Japan, which are famous for being in great need of importing foreign labourers. Linking Words
As a result
, the later Linking Words
people
give Use synonyms
birth
, the worse the ageing Use synonyms
problem
and reduced Use synonyms
birth
Use synonyms
rate
in big countries can become.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, the advantages of late fertility are likely to be more persuasive for it to become a Linking Words
trend
in the late 20th and 21st centuries nowadays. Use synonyms
Firstly
, it gives youngsters more time for financial preparation for future families. In the context of Linking Words
economic
crisis today, higher social demands and much more sophisticated requirements from the labour market towards workers' skills, effort and knowledge, it is understandable and unavoidable that the young delay their fertility for a few years to develop their careers and save up enough before entering a family Correct article usage
the economic
life
. Use synonyms
Hence
, giving Linking Words
birth
late is beneficial at an individual level.
Use synonyms
In addition
, Linking Words
this
Linking Words
trend
could Use synonyms
also
contribute to Linking Words
society
by lowering the Use synonyms
rate
of divorce. Apparently, divorcing is an unwanted Use synonyms
problem
and has grown a lot of concerns nowadays. Use synonyms
According to
some social researchers, some of the top reasons for divorce are financial pressure and lifestyle disagreements. The former reason could be dealt with when Linking Words
people
have gained stable jobs before tying the knot as mentioned above Use synonyms
while
the latter one could Linking Words
also
be solved as Linking Words
people
have become mentally and psychologically mature enough to have Use synonyms
horn sharing
and active listening skills to reach a positive solution and to accept ups and downs in marriage Add a hyphen
horn-sharing
life
Use synonyms
instead
of aggressively end up marriage as some young immatured couples might do. Linking Words
In other words
, family Linking Words
life
requires a lot of patience and practice and giving Use synonyms
birth
later helps Use synonyms
people
to be mentally and psychologically prepared. Thanks to the reduced divorce Use synonyms
rate
, Use synonyms
society
benefits.
In conclusion, Use synonyms
while
there are certain drawbacks of having children late in Linking Words
life
Use synonyms
such
as a reduced Linking Words
birth
Use synonyms
rate
and the ageing Use synonyms
problem
, I do believe that Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
trend
has more positive effects for individuals and Use synonyms
society
in the interest of providing our offspring with a better future.Use synonyms
Submitted by thuhong.68hnue on
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Grammar and Punctuation
Try to avoid minor grammatical and punctuation errors to improve clarity and readability. For instance, there is a misplaced comma and a lack of conjunctions sometimes.
Coherence and Cohesion
Although your ideas are clear and relevant, make sure each paragraph focuses on one main idea to maintain coherence. For example, combine or re-organize points about how delayed fertility affects both individual preparation and divorce rates, which may help provide a more streamlined argument.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of late fertility.
Task Achievement
The examples you provided, such as references to countries like Canada and Japan, enhance the relevance and depth of your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your paragraphs are well-structured with clear transitions, which contributes to the overall flow of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a strong introduction and conclusion that effectively frames your argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example