Some people think that using mobile phones and computers has a negative effect on young people’s reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The easy accessibility to smartphones and computers has a notable influence on children. I believe most of them are negative
due to
the reasons that I will describe in my essay. Nowadays, surfing the internet to find a new task or research a scientific fact is a straightforward task to do,
therefore
one of the most important approaches to studying will turn into a hobby for pupils.
For example
, teachers who give practice to their students to help them develop their writing and reading skills expect that they read at least one book and
then
summarize the valuable indicators of it and gather them,
however
, they easily will search the subject on the net and will copy the text.
Additionally
, juveniles prefer to spend their free time on their electronic devices rather than reading a book. A huge number of renowned and exciting online games have been inserted into the market, so children will be thrilled by them.
For instance
, a child who sees all her or his peers interested in a particular online game does not have enough ambition to read a book as a hobby.
On the other hand
, new technology in these types of equipment could be beneficial for educational systems. If schools and universities utilize them in an appropriate way, they can benefit from them,
such
as by implementing online apps that help pupils practice online, they will use their phones for educational aims. we are on a competitive edge and without new trends in scientific aspects, we will not be able to be up-to-date persons. In conclusion,
while
electronic gadgets could help us to accelerate our speed of discovery, it has a negative effect on the young generation's habits. We should use them with sufficient consideration.
Submitted by ostorr7213 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task and presents a clear point of view. However, strengthen your arguments by providing more specific details or data. For instance, share particular studies or statistics showing the influence of screen time on children's reading and writing skills.
coherence cohesion
Work on the flow between your ideas to ensure a smoother transition from one point to the next. Using transitional phrases can help improve the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Incorporate more relevant examples to support your arguments better. While you provided general ideas, more precise examples could enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, properly framing your arguments.
task achievement
You successfully include both perspectives on the issue, discussing positives and negatives of mobile phone and computer usage in young people.
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