IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes mixtures of nationalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree. Give reason for your answers and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience

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The population of nationalities increasing in some
nations
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 is likely to become more interesting and improve rapidly. I strongly agree with
this
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 statement since that brings more positive aspects for the
country
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. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss my viewpoint in detail. Having mixtures of the population gives several benefits to the
nations
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. One prominent positive aspect is that assists in the economic growth of the
country
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.
In other words
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, Probably
people
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 who are coming from various
nations
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 have different kinds of
knowlege
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 and skills. When they migrate to the nation skills are used
such
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 skills in the various sectors, which helps to improve that sector easily.
For instance
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, Uk invites more
asians
Change the capitalization
Asians
show examples
 from the healthcare sector to improve their healthcare facilities.
Secondly
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, various cultures are introduced in the countries. To be more precise, when
people
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 who are from other
nations
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 have their traditions and cultures. If they enter another nation, they can expose that among
people
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, which is likely to entertain the local
people
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 and some of
that is
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 interesting.
For example
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, in Tamil culture, they celebrated many festivals, and when they moved they celebrated in that particular
country
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.
Last
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 year, in the UK, where the Tamil festival of Deepavali was celebrated by all
people
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, the native crowd
also
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 enjoyed
such
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 festivals.
To conclude
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, I support the idea that the variety of nationalities gives more advantages to the
country
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 in economic development and cultural development. The government should take some possible actions to regulate the activities of the community who are from outside.

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task achievement
In the first paragraph, the expression 'likely to become more interesting and improve rapidly' could be revised for clarity. Consider specifying how the mixture of nationalities impacts interest and development more explicitly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph develops a single idea clearly and extensively. This can help strengthen the main points and improve coherence.
task achievement
In the second paragraph, while discussing economic growth, ensure your example clearly outlines how Asians in the healthcare sector improve facilities. Provide more detail on their specific contributions.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the main argument effectively.
task achievement
The essay makes relevant and specific examples, such as the UK’s healthcare sector and Tamil festival, which support the main ideas well.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is generally clear with well-organized paragraphs and a clear progression of ideas.
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