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Writing Samples
Band 6

Global warming is one of the most serious issues that the world’s facing today.What are the cause of global warming and what measures can governments and individuals take to tackle the issue?

#world’s #measures #governments #individuals
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Climate change has become an increasingly serious problem that our
planet
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 is facing nowadays.
This
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issue
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 will suggest the two main causes of
this
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issue
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, including the excessive consumption of natural
resources
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 and the increase in the number of vehicles .
This
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issue
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 will
also
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 suggest what
governments
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 and citizens must do to handle
this
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 problem,
such
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 as creating a law that stops those behaviours, and the reduction of car utilisation . Overuse of world
resources
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in addition
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 to the irrational utilisation of automobiles is the essential cause of
this
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 phenomenon. When humans
use
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 badly the
planet
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's
resources
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,
for example
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 overfishing, it can be hard for those creatures to thrive and recover from
this
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 damage.
As a consequence
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, climate change increases
due to
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 the fact that those creatures play a vital role
to balance
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in balancing
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 the atmosphere in the world.
Moreover
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, the rise of number of vehicles used by the population as recent research conducted in London showed approximately 20% in 2023 compared to the previous year .
This
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 behaviour contributes to the rise of carbon dioxide produced in the world which is the most common cause of the global climate . To overcome
this
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 phenomenon, both individuals and
governments
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 should react.
Governments
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 must adopt a law to stop those behaviours,
while
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people
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 must minimize the
use
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 of cars. When
governments
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 penalize
people
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 for any irrational consumption of the
planet
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's
resources
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,
for instance
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, a fine with a large amount of money for overfishing ,
people
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 will be more aware and careful
to
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about
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 their actions against the environment.
In addition
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, when
people
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use
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 friendly environmental transport as a substitute
such
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 as bicycles, that could lead to reduced production of CO2,
as a result
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, minimize pollution. In conclusion, global warming is a major
issue
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 that our
planet
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 is suffering from.
this
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 essay highlighted two causes of
this
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 problem
such
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 as the exhaustive
use
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 of wildlife and the increase of car numbers.
This
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 essay
also
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 suggested two actions that both
governments
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 and
people
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 must take
Submitted by habal.oumaima on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To further enhance your coherence and cohesion, consider using more transition words and phrases to guide the reader through your essay. For example, you can use words like 'furthermore,' 'in addition,' or 'consequently' to make your points flow together more smoothly.
Task Response
Your task achievement score can be improved by adding more detailed and specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, instead of just mentioning overfishing, you could discuss specific statistics or case studies that illustrate the impact.
Task Response
To improve the clarity of your ideas, ensure that each paragraph has one clear main idea that is thoroughly explained. Adding a topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph can help with this.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is crucial for a well-structured response.
Task Response
You have identified two main causes and two main solutions, addressing both aspects of the question comprehensively.
Task Response
The examples given, such as overfishing and the increase in the number of vehicles, are relevant and help to illustrate your points effectively.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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