IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #sense #competition #children #adults
It is argued that
children
 should be motivated to be competitive, others suggest that instilling a sense of cooperation will be more
valueable
Correct your spelling
valuable
 during their adulthood.
Although
 competition does help
children
 to be
successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
, it is more crucial to learn how to cooperate as it develops
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
, an important adult skill. If
children
 are taught to be cooperative, they learn the importance of working in a team, which is something adults are expected to do. Through working with others,
children
 learn not only how to respect different opinions but
also
 how to pool their strengths.
For instance
, preschools include cooperation as one of the first skills in their curriculum as they recognise that it is a vital social skill in all spheres of life. I
therefore
 believe that teaching
children
 to
work
Wrong verb form
Working
show examples
 with others is more important than giving them a sense of competition.
Submitted by majumdarnilesh21 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider balancing both views more equally and provide a more detailed insight into each perspective. For instance, delve deeper into how competition can lead to personal growth and resilience.
task achievement
Ensure that both perspectives (competition and cooperation) are equally elaborated. This will help in presenting a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your conclusion summarizes the key points of the essay and clearly states your final opinion by reinforcing the main ideas discussed.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid abrupt endings. After elaborating on the key points, provide a concluding sentence or two that synthesizes the main argument.
task achievement
The essay clearly introduces the topic and provides a clear stance. This makes it easy for the reader to understand your position from the outset.
task achievement
The importance of cooperation is well-articulated, with relevant examples that reinforce the need for teamwork and respect for different opinions.
coherence cohesion
The structure is logical, and transitions between different points are smooth, showing a good understanding of coherence and cohesion principles.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!