Some people think that Financial School should be mandatory in schools. Others say that there are more important topics. Discuss both statement and give your opinion.

Many people would argue that Financial
School
should be learning in schools,
while
others think that other topics have more importance. I believe that Financial
school
is very important because
students
would have skills to afford the business field.
However
, is true that there are other topics
such
as robotics and computer
technology
because they will be the enterprises of the future. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
hand, Financial
School
would help
students
who have started to
work
in companies, have considerable skills to move well in
this
environment. In fact, with the advent of brokers and trading,
knowledge
in finance would be crucial to finding
work
and
also
to have individual economic growth.
In addition
, at these times,
knowledge
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
finance market is a good way to gain money independently. The company Interactive Brokers is giving chances to
work
and to learn trading activities with them. Is a good opportunity to
work
there having
knowledge
in finance because is a company in continuing development.
On the other hand
, there are other topics
such
as robotics and computer
technology
, that
students
could learn in
school
. With the advent of artificial intelligence and the
use
of many kinds of robots, a lot of
technology
companies are developing around the world. In the near future, the
use
of AI, droids and different
technology
will be part of our lives,
furthermore
, the necessity of new talents in
this
field is growing exponentially. The
school
will play an important role in preparing the workers from tomorrow. Tesla and SpaceX are well known for their
technology
and the
use
of AI in their cars and satellites respectively, soon other companies will start with
this
technology
in their services so they will need new workers in
this
field. In conclusion, financial
school
, robotic and computer
technology
, and even the
use
of AI
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
are extremely necessary for
students
to have
knowledge
in these fields. In fact, the
use
of new technologies in cell phones computers and cars has caused a
technology
revolution where is very important to have these skills at the time to find a job.
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Grammar
To increase clarity, ensure subject-verb agreement. For example: 'Financial School should be learned in schools,' instead of 'Financial School should be learning in schools.'
Lexical
Try to avoid repetitive phrases. Instead of repeatedly mentioning 'Financial School,' you can use synonyms or rephrase sentences for variety.
Main Task
Strengthen your supporting points by providing more specific examples and evidence to illustrate how financial education or technology-related subjects can directly benefit students in future careers.
Examples
You mention relevant and contemporary examples such as Interactive Brokers, Tesla, and SpaceX, which add depth and realism to your arguments.
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion clearly address both sides of the argument and offer a coherent personal opinion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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