In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or negative development?
A skyrocketing establishment of supermarkets and shopping centres is proven to lead local markets to the verge of bankruptcy.
This
essay will discuss how the giant shopping retails overpower the local shops and why I disapprove of this
phenomenon.
Firstly
, department stores mostly have a massive marketing strategy, which can even cover a whole region either via televisions or billboards and this
means local businesses stand no chance of competing with those giant trademarks. Take Walmart, for instance
, its huge promotions urge people to spend their money there rather than going to obscure local markets, which significantly reduces their revenues and eventually bankrupts them. Consequently
, this
unfair competition is not beneficial for the economic sustainability of lower-middle business levels.
Secondly
, local shops are the pioneers of product innovations and the existence of major trademarks hinders them from thriving. For example
, new product trends on social media usually start from grassroots entrepreneurs who try to promote their creations to the public, but as the audience grows larger, huge companies then
steal their ideas and make a massive production of similar copies. Additionally
, consumers will naturally pick the cheaper alternatives, hence
why small businesses are neglected and once again overshadowed by large companies. If this
issue continues, the creativity of local entrepreneurs will be abolished and severely reduced.
In conclusion, the existence of shopping centres and supermarkets threaten
the continuity of local business because of the overpowering marketing strategy and plagiarism. Correct subject-verb agreement
threatens
Finally
, I side with the people who strongly support local businesses instead
of large shopping centresSubmitted by pink panther on
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task achievement
Ensure the introduction clearly presents the topic and includes a thesis statement that indicates your position on the development. While your introduction provides a clear position, more emphasis on the connection between the closure of local shops and consumer shopping habits at malls could strengthen it.
task achievement
Expand your discussion with more specific examples and data where possible to support your points. This adds validity to your arguments and could result in a higher band score.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay with clear paragraphs that each focus on a single idea. Use a range of cohesive devices (such as however, therefore, firstly, secondly) to structure your response coherently. The transition between your ideas is handled quite well in the essay, but more varied language could enhance it.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion should summarize the main points of your essay and restate your position clearly. Your conclusion is present and satisfactory; however, to achieve a higher band, reinforce the summarization of the key points you've discussed in relation to the prompt.
task achievement
To achieve a higher score, make sure your main ideas are not only clear but also fully developed. Consider expanding your arguments to explore both the positive and negative aspects of the situation, even if your final position aligns with one side.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...