Some people think that people commit crime because of poverty and social problems, while others think it is because of their bad nature. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #crime #poverty #nature

The

issue

crime

resonates deeply with many

individuals

While

some attribute criminal behaviour to inherent flaws in

individuals

, others—including myself—believe it primarily stems from poverty and social challenges. Financial hardship is a key factor driving

crime

rates. When

individuals

find themselves in difficult economic situations, they may resort to illegal activities to support their families.

For example

, a person without stable employment might steal to provide food or shelter.

Furthermore

, a lack of job opportunities can intensify

this

issue

. In regions where jobs are scarce, desperate

individuals

may feel they have no choice but to engage in criminal activities to survive.

This

absence of legitimate pathways often traps them in a cycle of poverty and

crime

In addition

to economic challenges, l believe that insufficient access to education plays a significant role in perpetuating

crime

within disadvantaged communities. Many

individuals

face marginalization

due to

their circumstances, which limits their educational prospects. Without access to quality education and resources, their potential for a better future is hindered, often leading them to replicate the patterns set by previous generations.

This

educational gap can

also

foster feelings of isolation, leaving

individuals

disconnected and despondent.

Such

disconnection not only stifles personal growth but

also

erodes community cohesion, making it harder to tackle shared challenges.

While

some argue that criminal behaviour arises from an inherently bad character, I believe

this

perspective oversimplifies the

issue

Although

a person's environment and upbringing influence their choices, they are not the sole determining factors.

For instance

, a young boy from a low-income area may strive to overcome his circumstances,

while

someone from a wealthy background might still choose to engage in criminal activities.

This

demonstrates that personal agency and determination are crucial in shaping an individual’s journey. In conclusion,

crime

is a multifaceted

issue

that requires a nuanced approach. By improving access to education and creating job opportunities, we can disrupt the cycle of

crime

and poverty, fostering a healthier and more equitable society for all.

Submitted by homa.nazrmian56 on Tue Sep 10 2024

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task achievement

The essay effectively addresses both views and clearly expresses your opinion. However, to improve further, you could consider providing more specific examples or case studies to strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. While the logical flow is strong overall, paying closer attention to transition words and phrases will enhance readability and coherence.

coherence cohesion

You could briefly revisit and summarize your main points in the conclusion for an even stronger ending.

coherence cohesion

The introduction is engaging and sets up the essay effectively.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion is clear and reinforces your opinion well.

coherence cohesion

The essay is well-structured with each paragraph addressing a specific aspect of the topic.

task achievement

You provided a balanced analysis by discussing both views and supporting your arguments with relevant points and examples.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

328 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that people commit crime because of poverty and social problems, while others think it is because of their bad nature. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Nowadays both men and women spend a lot of money on beauty care than ever before. What may be the primary reason for this? Is this positive or negative development?

In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue can be solved?

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?