Some people think that people commit crime because of poverty and social problems, while others think it is because of their bad nature. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
The
issue
of crime
resonates deeply with many individuals
. While
some attribute criminal behaviour to inherent flaws in individuals
, others—including myself—believe it primarily stems from poverty and social challenges.
Financial hardship is a key factor driving crime
rates. When individuals
find themselves in difficult economic situations, they may resort to illegal activities to support their families. For example
, a person without stable employment might steal to provide food or shelter. Furthermore
, a lack of job opportunities can intensify this
issue
. In regions where jobs are scarce, desperate individuals
may feel they have no choice but to engage in criminal activities to survive. This
absence of legitimate pathways often traps them in a cycle of poverty and crime
.
In addition
to economic challenges, l believe that insufficient access to education plays a significant role in perpetuating crime
within disadvantaged communities. Many individuals
face marginalization due to
their circumstances, which limits their educational prospects. Without access to quality education and resources, their potential for a better future is hindered, often leading them to replicate the patterns set by previous generations. This
educational gap can also
foster feelings of isolation, leaving individuals
disconnected and despondent. Such
disconnection not only stifles personal growth but also
erodes community cohesion, making it harder to tackle shared challenges.
While
some argue that criminal behaviour arises from an inherently bad character, I believe this
perspective oversimplifies the issue
. Although
a person's environment and upbringing influence their choices, they are not the sole determining factors. For instance
, a young boy from a low-income area may strive to overcome his circumstances, while
someone from a wealthy background might still choose to engage in criminal activities. This
demonstrates that personal agency and determination are crucial in shaping an individual’s journey.
In conclusion, crime
is a multifaceted issue
that requires a nuanced approach. By improving access to education and creating job opportunities, we can disrupt the cycle of crime
and poverty, fostering a healthier and more equitable society for all.Submitted by homa.nazrmian56 on
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task achievement
The essay effectively addresses both views and clearly expresses your opinion. However, to improve further, you could consider providing more specific examples or case studies to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. While the logical flow is strong overall, paying closer attention to transition words and phrases will enhance readability and coherence.
coherence cohesion
You could briefly revisit and summarize your main points in the conclusion for an even stronger ending.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is engaging and sets up the essay effectively.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion is clear and reinforces your opinion well.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with each paragraph addressing a specific aspect of the topic.
task achievement
You provided a balanced analysis by discussing both views and supporting your arguments with relevant points and examples.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example