IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Your workplace does not have a parking area for cars, and it is causing some problems. Write a letter to your manager and include the following: – Describe the problems it has caused. – Explain what benefits a parking area would bring to the company. – Suggest a solution.

#workplace #area #cars #manager #company
Dear John, The objective of writing
this
 letter is to let you know that we are struggling with parking issues.
To begin
 with, as you know, we have relocated to another location in downtown Toronto, where we do not have our parking lot. Because of
this
, our
employees
 face difficulties every day. On top of it, some have to park their vehicle on the street side, and some have to travel by subway, where they have to spend one hour more than usual. Let me explain the pros of having a parking area for our office. First and foremost, it would be convenient for our
employees
 not to roam around to find public parking, which can save energy.
Moreover
, other
employees
 can drive their vehicles
instead
 of using the subway to save time. Considering the above, I am pleading with you to start thinking about it. We can request to rent the Yonge 2021 free area and hire a security guard to look around during the whole day.
Moreover
, we can charge
employees
 monthly parking fees, to cover the maintenance of the parking area. I am looking forward to seeing how my suggestions promptly translate into your action from your side. Your kind cooperation would be most appreciated.
Your
Correct the word
Yours
show examples
 sincerely, Garima
Submitted by kiranrattu.kr on

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Detail Enhancement
To improve, try to add more specific examples and details in each section to enhance clarity and impact.
perspective expansion
You could enhance the letter by explicitly linking your suggestions to potential benefits for the company, other than employee convenience, such as improved employee satisfaction leading to higher productivity.
Structure
The logical structure is clear and allows for easy follow-through of ideas, which is commendable.
Task Response
The letter successfully covers all the points required by the task, showing good understanding and response.
Tone
The tone is suitable for a letter to a manager, formal yet conveying concern effectively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • inconveniences
  • designated
  • punctuality
  • productivity
  • enhanced
  • potential
  • demonstrates
  • acquiring
  • vacant
  • arranging
  • agreement
  • implementing
  • shuttle service
  • encouraging
  • carpooling
  • incentives
  • subsidies
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