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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries
#proportion #population #three #countries
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The provided line graph illustrates the distribution of the population aged 65 and over for a century from 1940 to 2024, and the projection in 2040 in three different countries, which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
Japan, Sweden and the
USA
Use synonyms
. Units are measured in percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can clearly be seen that all of the countries had an upward trend with Japan
showed
Wrong verb form
showing
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 the lowest distribution at the start and estimated
become
Verb problem
to have
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 the highest aging
populations
Fix the agreement mistake
population
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, both
of
Change preposition
apply
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Sweden and the
USA
Use synonyms
 had experienced
to grow
Verb problem
growth
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 significantly and had continued
this
Linking Words
 progress in the future. Japan witnessed a downward trend from 1940 to 2000, but surprisingly, it
has to
Verb problem
is
show examples
predict
Wrong verb form
predicted
show examples
 to increase dramatically and
reached
Wrong verb form
reach
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 peak
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 just under 30% in 2040.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, both Sweden and the
USA
Use synonyms
was fluctuated
Change to the active voice
fluctuated
has fluctuated
show examples
 from the beginning of
period
Add an article
the period
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 to the future of the time frame,
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 the
USA
Use synonyms
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 the lowest
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 population.
Submitted by alifahmad1799 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words usa with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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