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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think it is better for children to grow up in the city, while others think that life in the coutrysidecis more suitable. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both places?

#people #children #city #life #coutrysidecis #places
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Urbanised or
farm driven
Add a hyphen
farm-driven
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 country.
This
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 is the most discussed theme among people. One group suggest bringing up kids in a city is more
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
 and affordable
while
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 others argue about
this
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 stance and claim
villages
Use synonyms
 are the place where life takes origin. In my essay, those opinions will be
explaned
Correct your spelling
explained
 thoroughly and given discussion.
To begin
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 with, the city is the place where people
concentrated
Wrong verb form
concentrate
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 and within
few
Correct article usage
a few
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kilometres
Add a comma
kilometres,
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 amount can be reached
thousands
Change preposition
by thousands
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 and even millions.
For example
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,
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such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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cities
Use synonyms
 like Toronto and Montreal reached
population
Correct article usage
a population
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 above million
long
Correct article usage
a long
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 time ago.
Such
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 density gives
good
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a good
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 opportunity for the
bussiness
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business
.
Small
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The small
A small
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restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
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 can grow in
Add an article
the chain
a chain
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chain
Fix the agreement mistake
chains
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of
Change preposition
in
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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just
with
Change preposition
within
show examples
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 years.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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cities
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
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 many different interesting
direction
Change to a plural noun
directions
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 to grow and develop. Everybody can find fields to deep and explore and find like-minded people. The
disadvantages
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disadvantage
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, big
cities
Use synonyms
 have huge
rate
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rates
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 of crime.
For instance
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,
everydays
Correct your spelling
every
 News in Toronto
broadcast
Wrong verb form
broadcasts
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 a
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
show examples
 cases of murders and robberies. So
theat
Correct your spelling
the
 to become a victim grows tremendously.
On the other hand
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,
advantage
Add an article
the advantage
an advantage
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 of the village is the low population and
usually
Add a comma
usually,
show examples
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
these
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 areas have no
harmfull
Correct your spelling
harmful
plant
Fix the agreement mistake
plants
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 or
a
Remove the article
apply
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manufacturing.
For example
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,
villages
Use synonyms
constantly
Add a missing verb
are constantly
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 involved in farm activities. They grow
a
Correct article usage
apply
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cattle or vegetables and fruits. The residents can enjoy fresh air and healthy foods
whithout
Correct your spelling
without
 preservatives and chemicals. Disadvantages
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 living in
villages
Use synonyms
 are remote area. In case of
emergency
Correct article usage
an emergency
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 a few hours
needed
Add a missing verb
are needed
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 to reach
by
Change preposition
apply
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paramedics to save
someones
Change to a genitive case
someone's
show examples
 life.
To conclude
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,
cities
Use synonyms
 and
villages
Use synonyms
 both have pros and cons. The decision, which will be made, depends
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
person
Add an article
the person
a person
show examples
 who
choose
Change the verb form
chooses
show examples
 wherever to live in a city or village.
Submitted by andrew.885 on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that you introduce your essay clearly with a concise thesis statement that outlines the main points of your discussion.
clear comprehensive ideas
Develop each idea more comprehensively, providing more detailed examples and explanations to make your arguments stronger.
clear comprehensive ideas
Avoid grammatical errors and expand your vocabulary to improve clarity and precision in your writing.
logical structure
Improve logical structure by creating clear paragraphs for each main point and using transitional phrases to connect your ideas.
supported main points
Cohesion can be improved by ensuring all supporting points directly relate to the main ideas, helping to maintain a clear and focused argument throughout the essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your arguments well.
relevant specific examples
You have provided relevant examples to support some of your points, which helps make your arguments more concrete.
complete response
Both pros and cons of city and countryside life are identified, showcasing your understanding of the topic.
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