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Band 4.5

Some people think it is better for children to grow up in the city, while others think that life in the coutrysidecis more suitable. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both places?

#people #children #city #life #coutrysidecis #places
Urbanised or
farm driven
Add a hyphen
farm-driven
show examples
 country.
This
 is the most discussed theme among people. One group suggest bringing up kids in a city is more
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
 and affordable
while
 others argue about
this
 stance and claim
villages
 are the place where life takes origin. In my essay, those opinions will be
explaned
Correct your spelling
explained
 thoroughly and given discussion.
To begin
 with, the city is the place where people
concentrated
Wrong verb form
concentrate
show examples
 and within
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
kilometres
Add a comma
kilometres,
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 amount can be reached
thousands
Change preposition
by thousands
show examples
 and even millions.
For example
,
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
cities
 like Toronto and Montreal reached
population
Correct article usage
a population
show examples
 above million
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 time ago.
Such
 density gives
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 opportunity for the
bussiness
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business
.
Small
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The small
A small
show examples
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
show examples
 can grow in
Add an article
the chain
a chain
show examples
chain
Fix the agreement mistake
chains
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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just
with
Change preposition
within
show examples
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 years.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
cities
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 many different interesting
direction
Change to a plural noun
directions
show examples
 to grow and develop. Everybody can find fields to deep and explore and find like-minded people. The
disadvantages
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantage
show examples
, big
cities
 have huge
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
 of crime.
For instance
,
everydays
Correct your spelling
every
 News in Toronto
broadcast
Wrong verb form
broadcasts
show examples
 a
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
show examples
 cases of murders and robberies. So
theat
Correct your spelling
the
 to become a victim grows tremendously.
On the other hand
,
advantage
Add an article
the advantage
an advantage
show examples
 of the village is the low population and
usually
Add a comma
usually,
show examples
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
 areas have no
harmfull
Correct your spelling
harmful
plant
Fix the agreement mistake
plants
show examples
 or
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
manufacturing.
For example
,
villages
constantly
Add a missing verb
are constantly
show examples
 involved in farm activities. They grow
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cattle or vegetables and fruits. The residents can enjoy fresh air and healthy foods
whithout
Correct your spelling
without
 preservatives and chemicals. Disadvantages
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 living in
villages
 are remote area. In case of
emergency
Correct article usage
an emergency
show examples
 a few hours
needed
Add a missing verb
are needed
show examples
 to reach
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
paramedics to save
someones
Change to a genitive case
someone's
show examples
 life.
To conclude
,
cities
 and
villages
 both have pros and cons. The decision, which will be made, depends
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
person
Add an article
the person
a person
show examples
 who
choose
Change the verb form
chooses
show examples
 wherever to live in a city or village.
Submitted by andrew.885 on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that you introduce your essay clearly with a concise thesis statement that outlines the main points of your discussion.
clear comprehensive ideas
Develop each idea more comprehensively, providing more detailed examples and explanations to make your arguments stronger.
clear comprehensive ideas
Avoid grammatical errors and expand your vocabulary to improve clarity and precision in your writing.
logical structure
Improve logical structure by creating clear paragraphs for each main point and using transitional phrases to connect your ideas.
supported main points
Cohesion can be improved by ensuring all supporting points directly relate to the main ideas, helping to maintain a clear and focused argument throughout the essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your arguments well.
relevant specific examples
You have provided relevant examples to support some of your points, which helps make your arguments more concrete.
complete response
Both pros and cons of city and countryside life are identified, showcasing your understanding of the topic.
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