IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The government should pay for large pieces of art such as sculptures. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The budget of any government is spent on many tasks. One of the important fields which needs money to be improved is art. Improving art
also
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 needs dollars
then
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 governments decide to buy enormous pieces for
this
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 field.
This
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 essay will be written about
this
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 subject and I will give my opinion. On the one hand, paying money for specific pieces which are related to famous artists is really important for a country.
For example
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, the Louvre museum has many works of art from all around the world like the famous
Davinchi's
Change noun form
Davinchi
show examples
 paintings and enormous sculptures from Greece etc. Some of these big shapes which came from all around the world were bought by the France government.
This
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 museum brings a lot of tourists from other places to visit them in a special place with good descriptions of their stories. Obviously, it shows paying for large and rare arts is a good idea for any country to make enormous incomes.
On the other hand
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, in some cases, huge crafts have historical meaning.
For instance
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, the freedom sculpture in the USA has many stories behind it and the United States will never sell it to another person. Clearly, it means a lot to people how something could be important for any place.
Therefore
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, buying these kinds of instruments has deep meaning for any culture which brings them their history.
However
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, paying a lot of dollars in
this
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 area is not a good idea for all places.
For example
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, if they do not know how to protect them it would damage them over time
thus
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, they might waste their bills and the craft's value. In conclusion, frankly, I recommend anywhere to pay money on
this
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 subject, especially rare ones.
In contrast
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, spending the most part of the budget is not a good idea which means it could be destroyed after a
while
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 and their budget will be lost.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific and detailed examples to strengthen your argument. For instance, instead of just mentioning the Louvre, you could discuss how specific pieces have contributed to tourism revenue.
task achievement
Work on making your ideas more comprehensive by exploring different viewpoints or counterarguments in a more balanced way.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Using linking words and phrases can help achieve this.
introduction conclusion
The introduction clearly states the purpose of the essay and provides a brief outline of the writer's opinion, which is excellent for setting the stage.
supported main points
You provided relevant examples to support your points, making the essay more convincing. For instance, referencing the Louvre and the freedom sculpture helps to illustrate your arguments well.
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