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Writing Samples
Band 7

An increasing number of people choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why do people have operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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In today's world, cosmetic
surgery
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 has become a top priority for
individuals
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 seeking a more appealing
appearance
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. In my view,
this
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 approach has advantages and disadvantages, profoundly impacting their lives. There are two primary contributors to
this
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 growing trend.
First,
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some
individuals
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endeavor
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endeavour
show examples
 to attain perfectionism, driven by an intense desire to enhance their attractiveness. One potential explanation is that
individuals
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 believe improving their physical
appearance
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 will enhance their quality of life.
Furthermore
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, blind idolization is another key factor contributing to
this
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 phenomenon, as many fans seek to mimic the lifestyles and appearances of their idols, often perceiving them as the standard of beauty.
Consequently
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, cosmetic
surgery
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 is regarded as a viable means of achieving these aspirations.
For example
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, despite having natural beauty, many young girls in South Korea remain determined to undergo cosmetic procedures in order to enhance their physical
appearance
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 and resemble their
favorite
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favourite
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 musical artists, regardless of the potential complications. When considering the impact of cosmetic
surgery
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,
it is clear that
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 it has both positive and negative aspects. On the positive side,
this
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 propensity can help
individuals
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 boost their self-esteem by improving their physical
appearance
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.
This
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 benefit can
also
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 play a significant role in increasing their financial opportunities and enhancing their quality of life.
However
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, on the negative side,
individuals
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 who opt to improve their
appearance
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 through cosmetic procedures may experience severe complications
such
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 as blood infections and nerve damage, which can detrimentally affect their
overall
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 well-being.
Moreover
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, addressing these complications requires significant time and financial resources for effective treatment. Take Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, as an illustration.
Although
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 he spent millions of dollars, he was unable to restore his facial bone structure, which had become distorted following cosmetic
surgery
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. In conclusion, the pursuit of perfectionism and the desire to resemble idols motivate
individuals
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 to undergo plastic
surgery
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.
While
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this
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 trend boosts confidence, it
also
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 puts someone's health at risk. In my view, careful consideration should be given when
individuals
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 intend to enhance their
appearance
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 through plastic
surgery
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.

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Task Achievement
While the essay introduces some valid points about the reasons why people opt for cosmetic surgery, further examples and exploration of these reasons could enhance the understanding of the readers.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider adding more linking words or phrases to clearly connect the main ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay.
Task Achievement
Ensure the essay maintains a balanced view by providing equal weight to both positive and negative perspectives. This will give a more rounded discussion of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear, effectively setting the tone and summing up the essay's argument.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses key reasons why people choose cosmetic surgery, like perfectionism and idolization, showcasing a good understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Including real-life examples like South Korean youth and Michael Jackson strengthens the argument by providing concrete illustrations that support your points.
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