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Band 6.5

Many people nowadays spend a large of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think is is a positive or negative developement?

#people #time #smartphone #developement
In modern
life
Add a comma
life,
show examples
 smartphones play a crucial role in human activity.
While
 the overuse of these
devices
 may lead to negative effects, they
also
 bring significant benefits,
such
 as helping us stay connected with family and friends. One of the main reasons for increasing
time
 spent on
devices
 is the large number of social media platforms that have facilitated communication. To stay in touch and keep up with all the things that happen throughout the day, we often find ourselves spending a great
time
 on our phones. Platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok may be
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
show examples
 and might not have a positive impact, especially when usage exceeds two hours a day. It is a coin with two sides. From
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
show examples
 we have communication,
however
, the drawbacks are much more significant. Considerable
time
 spent on these apps can develop an addiction and provoke anxiety and isolation. Another reason is the rapid advancement of technology, which provides us with numerous options for improving our lives. Tech innovations have significantly changed our quality of life, especially with smartphones. Nowadays
devices
 have more features compared to cellphones from 10 years ago. They offer us not only a way of communication but
also
 a style of life.
Therefore
, we devote more spare
time
 to our phones. Weighing up the pros and cons of smartphone use, it is a personal choice. Every person should evaluate their priorities and choose how much
time
 to allocate to their
devices
. Personally, I prioritize staying connected with others but without any addictions.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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task achievement
To improve the task response, try to provide more specific examples or data to support your arguments. This will give your essay more depth and show that your points are well-researched.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use linking words and phrases more effectively to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
To enhance cohesion, always ensure that each sentence logically follows from the previous one. This helps in maintaining a clear flow of ideas.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good structure for your argument.
task achievement
You have addressed both parts of the prompt effectively, discussing both the reasons for excessive smartphone use and whether it is a positive or negative development.
supported main points
The main points in your essay are well-supported and explained, which helps in making your argument more convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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