Many people nowadays spent a large part of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
A great number of individuals prefer wasting their leisure
time
on their phone
rather than spending Fix the agreement mistake
phones
time
outside taking in a fresh breath of air.I consider that this
circumstance can create a detrimental situation for the users since the phone
is the main source of entertaiment
and it is Correct your spelling
entertainment
also
convenient,regarding communication.
Firstly
, the mobile is the main tool used solely for recreation, especially for children. As a result
of the launch of a multitude of interactive application
,Fix the agreement mistake
applications
such
as Instagram or YouTube ,a large number of persons
tend to develop an obsession with their cell Replace the word
people
phone
,becoming addicted. These people are prone to avoiding Fix the agreement mistake
phones
every day
tasks and communication with their relatives.For Replace the word
everyday
exemple
, a teenager who spends countless hours on social media platforms might neglect their homework and skip family meals. Over Correct your spelling
example
time
, this
behavior
could lead to poor academic performance and strained relationships with family members, ultimately affecting their mental health .
Change the spelling
behaviour
Secondly
, the telephone is an efficient medium for socialization,by enabling it through messages and text with their friends,as it allows people to stay connected at any place or time
,nurturing their relatioships
.Correct your spelling
relationships
On the other hand
, this
possibility could create an inimical enviroment
,Correct your spelling
environment
for instance
,because of connecting via texts
,the youth may prefer talking on Fix the agreement mistake
text
the
mobile ,withdrawing themselves from face-to-face interactions ,Change the word
their
this
problem may cause the development of mental issues,such
as anxiety,burdening their daily interactions as well as
making aquintences
.
Correct your spelling
acquaintances
To sum up
,I believe that the cell phone
is advantageous and a good leisure activity only when it is used wisely.By setting boundaries and being mindful of screen time
,society can enjoy the benefits that it offers without negatively effecting
their lives.Correct your spelling
affecting
Submitted by acaitaz on
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task achievement
The essay addresses the task and covers the main points but could be more comprehensive in exploring both the reasons and the consequences of smartphone use on free time. Consider expanding on each point with more depth and introducing additional ideas for a fuller response.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally clear, with a logical progression of ideas. However, try to enhance the transitions between ideas and paragraphs to improve the flow of the essay. More cohesive devices could be used to link sentences and paragraphs more effectively.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, the conclusion could be more developed, paraphrasing the main points discussed to reinforce the argument. Additionally, consider broadening the introduction slightly to provide a broader context for the essay.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is well-supported with specific examples and explanations. This will help demonstrate a deeper understanding and engagement with the topic. For example, providing statistical data or expert opinions could bolster the argument about the negative impacts of smartphone use.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples, such as the impact on teenagers and their homework, which adds credibility to the arguments.