Many people nowadays spent a large part of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

A great number of individuals prefer wasting their leisure
time
on their
phone
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phones
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rather than spending
time
outside taking in a fresh breath of air.I consider that
this
circumstance can create a detrimental situation for the users since the
phone
is the main source of
entertaiment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
and it is
also
convenient,regarding communication.
Firstly
, the mobile is the main tool used solely for recreation, especially for children.
As a result
of the launch of a multitude of interactive
application
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applications
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,
such
as Instagram or YouTube ,a large number of
persons
Replace the word
people
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tend to develop an obsession with their cell
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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,becoming addicted. These people are prone to avoiding
every day
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everyday
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tasks and communication with their relatives.For
exemple
Correct your spelling
example
, a teenager who spends countless hours on social media platforms might neglect their homework and skip family meals. Over
time
,
this
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
could lead to poor academic performance and strained relationships with family members, ultimately affecting their mental health .
Secondly
, the telephone is an efficient medium for socialization,by enabling it through messages and text with their friends,as it allows people to stay connected at any place or
time
,nurturing their
relatioships
Correct your spelling
relationships
.
On the other hand
,
this
possibility could create an inimical
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
,
for instance
,because of connecting via
texts
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text
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,the youth may prefer talking on
the
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their
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mobile ,withdrawing themselves from face-to-face interactions ,
this
problem may cause the development of mental issues,
such
as anxiety,burdening their daily interactions
as well as
making
aquintences
Correct your spelling
acquaintances
.
To sum up
,I believe that the cell
phone
is advantageous and a good leisure activity only when it is used wisely.By setting boundaries and being mindful of screen
time
,society can enjoy the benefits that it offers without negatively
effecting
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affecting
show examples
their lives.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the task and covers the main points but could be more comprehensive in exploring both the reasons and the consequences of smartphone use on free time. Consider expanding on each point with more depth and introducing additional ideas for a fuller response.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally clear, with a logical progression of ideas. However, try to enhance the transitions between ideas and paragraphs to improve the flow of the essay. More cohesive devices could be used to link sentences and paragraphs more effectively.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, the conclusion could be more developed, paraphrasing the main points discussed to reinforce the argument. Additionally, consider broadening the introduction slightly to provide a broader context for the essay.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is well-supported with specific examples and explanations. This will help demonstrate a deeper understanding and engagement with the topic. For example, providing statistical data or expert opinions could bolster the argument about the negative impacts of smartphone use.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples, such as the impact on teenagers and their homework, which adds credibility to the arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • screen time
  • digital addiction
  • instant gratification
  • multifunctional
  • connectivity
  • social networking
  • online services
  • self-expression
  • entertainment options
  • instant access
  • educational resources
  • communication tools
  • virtual interactions
  • distracted living
  • technological dependence
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