Many people nowadays spent a large part of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #part #time #smartphone #development

A great number of individuals prefer wasting their leisure

time

on their

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

rather than spending

time

outside taking in a fresh breath of air.I consider that

this

circumstance can create a detrimental situation for the users since the

phone

is the main source of

entertaiment

Correct your spelling

entertainment

and it is

also

convenient,regarding communication.

Firstly

, the mobile is the main tool used solely for recreation, especially for children.

As a result

of the launch of a multitude of interactive

application

Fix the agreement mistake

applications

show examples

such

as Instagram or YouTube ,a large number of

persons

Replace the word

people

show examples

tend to develop an obsession with their cell

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

,becoming addicted. These people are prone to avoiding

every day

Replace the word

everyday

show examples

tasks and communication with their relatives.For

exemple

Correct your spelling

example

, a teenager who spends countless hours on social media platforms might neglect their homework and skip family meals. Over

time

this

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

could lead to poor academic performance and strained relationships with family members, ultimately affecting their mental health .

Secondly

, the telephone is an efficient medium for socialization,by enabling it through messages and text with their friends,as it allows people to stay connected at any place or

time

,nurturing their

relatioships

Correct your spelling

relationships

On the other hand

this

possibility could create an inimical

enviroment

Correct your spelling

environment

for instance

,because of connecting via

texts

Fix the agreement mistake

text

show examples

,the youth may prefer talking on

the

Change the word

their

show examples

mobile ,withdrawing themselves from face-to-face interactions ,

this

problem may cause the development of mental issues,

such

as anxiety,burdening their daily interactions

as well as

making

aquintences

Correct your spelling

acquaintances

To sum up

,I believe that the cell

phone

is advantageous and a good leisure activity only when it is used wisely.By setting boundaries and being mindful of screen

time

,society can enjoy the benefits that it offers without negatively

effecting

Correct your spelling

affecting

show examples

their lives.

Submitted by acaitaz on Wed Sep 11 2024

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task achievement

The essay addresses the task and covers the main points but could be more comprehensive in exploring both the reasons and the consequences of smartphone use on free time. Consider expanding on each point with more depth and introducing additional ideas for a fuller response.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of the essay is generally clear, with a logical progression of ideas. However, try to enhance the transitions between ideas and paragraphs to improve the flow of the essay. More cohesive devices could be used to link sentences and paragraphs more effectively.

coherence cohesion

While the essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, the conclusion could be more developed, paraphrasing the main points discussed to reinforce the argument. Additionally, consider broadening the introduction slightly to provide a broader context for the essay.

task achievement

Ensure that each main point is well-supported with specific examples and explanations. This will help demonstrate a deeper understanding and engagement with the topic. For example, providing statistical data or expert opinions could bolster the argument about the negative impacts of smartphone use.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

task achievement

Good use of specific examples, such as the impact on teenagers and their homework, which adds credibility to the arguments.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

271 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

screen time
digital addiction
instant gratification
multifunctional
connectivity
social networking
online services
self-expression
entertainment options
instant access
educational resources
communication tools
virtual interactions
distracted living
technological dependence

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Many people nowadays spent a large part of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In some countries young people move in their own homes in early twenties, in other countries they live with parents longer. What do you think, do the advantages of living alone outweigh the disadvantages?

Many people like to wear fashionable clothes. Why do you think is the case? Is this a good or a bad thing?

Although the prices of fuels have greatly increased over the last decade or two, it is argued that further increases in fuel prices are the only way to reduce world consumption of fuel and lessen pressure on the world’s fuel resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In many countries students are engaged in some sort of paid work . Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibilities. What is your opinion?