IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some psychologist recommend that to overcome stresses in daily life we should do nothing at all for a period of time of the day. Do you agree or disagree?

#psychologist #stresses #life #period #time
Some psychologists advise that we should do nothing for
sometimes
Correct your spelling
some time
show examples
 of the
day
 to overcome
stresses
Correct article usage
the stresses
show examples
 of our lives. I personally agree with
this
 viewpoint because doing nothing for a
period
 of
time
 of the
day
 can help us to deal with stress and anxiety and refresh our
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
.
Everyday
Replace the word
Every day
show examples
 we deal with lots of
work
 pressure, and other heavy loads of personal responsibilities. Our body and mind require proper rest and refreshment, which can be achieved by spending a certain
period
 of
time
 of the
day
 doing nothing. It makes our minds calm and
refresh
Wrong verb form
refreshed
show examples
, increases our ability to concentrate, and decreases our anxiety and stress.
For example
, people in Japan, spend 15 minutes of the
day
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing nothing, and
this
 practice helps them to overcome their daily anxiety and
work
 stress.
Moreover
, taking a break from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
 and responsibility and doing nothing improves a
person
's cognitive ability. It improves a
person
's thinking capability and ability
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 self-reflection. With self-reflection, a
person
 can
understands
Change the verb form
understand
show examples
 his strengths and weaknesses, own concepts of right and wrong, and
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 effective plans about his
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 and responsibilities.
For example
, when people of China started spending a certain
period
 of
time
 doing nothing, their thought process improved, and they started performing
good
Change the adjective
well
show examples
 at their workplace.
To conclude
, spending a certain
period
 of
time
 of the
day
 doing nothing is helpful because it eliminates a
person
's worries and stresses. It
also
 helps
mind
Correct article usage
the mind
show examples
 to process thoughts and ideas to
work
 effectively.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider expanding your introduction to provide a bit more context or background before stating your thesis. This can help to better set the stage for your argument.
task achievement
Ensure all examples are directly relevant and illustrative of your main points. For instance, you can provide additional details about how the practice in Japan or China leads to specific improvements in mental well-being.
coherence cohesion
Avoid minor grammatical errors, such as 'Sometimes' vs 'some time' or maintaining consistency in tense usage. Paying attention to these details can make your writing clearer.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure with each paragraph focused around a central idea, which makes it easy to follow.
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples to support your arguments, which strengthens your task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your argument and reiterates the main points discussed in the essay.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!