IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Examine the arguments in favour and against animal experiments, and come to a conclusion on this issue.

#arguments #favour #experiments #conclusion
Nowadays, some
people
 say that animal experiments are cruel and should be abolished,
while
 others say that animal
experimentation
 can help to develop new drugs in order to heal
people
 with strange diseases. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss both views and come to a clear conclusion about
this
 topic.
Firstly
, animal
experimentation
 can be used to test new medication in order to see if it can be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 or if
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the other hand, it can be used to treat diverse diseases.
Thus
, we can create more specific ways to heal diverse diseases by testing the range of action of some medications.
For example
, in 2019, animal
experimentation
 helped
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scientists to develop a vaccine that was capable
to immunize
Change preposition
of immunizing
show examples
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
stop
Wrong verb form
stopping
show examples
 the pandemic. Animal
experimentation
 can help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humans to live longer.
Secondly
, animal
experimentation
 can be cruel and harmful
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
animals
.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that most of the
animals
 that are used for medical testing,
grows
Correct subject-verb agreement
grow
show examples
 in cages with so little space. They
also
 can be intoxicated by the medication that scientists inject
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 them, causing them to die in agony.
For instance
, in the year 2020
lost
Correct your spelling
lot
show examples
 of
animals
 died in big medical laboratories because of the drugs that the professionals injected
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 them. Using
animals
 to test medicines can be harmful for the
animals
 and
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 ethical.
To conclude
, I will say that using
animals
 in order to test our medical drugs can help to develop
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human health
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 kills lots of
animals
 each year.
Submitted by pabloenriquevicente on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay, make sure to clearly transition between points. For example, you could use phrases such as 'On the other hand' to contrast opposing views. Additionally, ensure paragraphs flow smoothly by linking ideas across them.
task achievement
For task response, ensure your conclusion fully encapsulates your argument rather than introducing new information. Try to present a balanced summary that reflects the complexity of the issue.
task achievement
Some sentences could be made more concise and clear. Be sure to review and edit your work for grammar and word choice to avoid ambiguity and enhance readability.
task achievement
Your essay provides a balanced view of both sides of the argument, addressing the benefits and drawbacks of animal experimentation effectively.
task achievement
The essay includes specific examples, such as the development of a vaccine in 2019, which helps to illustrate your points and makes your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
You have structured the essay well with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that discuss different viewpoints, and a conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • controversial
  • prevalence
  • scientific research
  • proponents
  • opponents
  • medical breakthroughs
  • vaccines
  • treatments
  • critical data
  • regulatory frameworks
  • ethical guidelines
  • minimize suffering
  • moral objections
  • animal rights
  • species differences
  • unreliable results
  • alternatives to animal testing
  • in vitro testing
  • computer modeling
  • volunteer microdosing
  • nuanced
  • complexity
  • weighing
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