IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Examine the arguments in favour and against animal experiments, and come to a conclusion on this issue.

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Nowadays, some
people
Use synonyms
 say that animal experiments are cruel and should be abolished,
while
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 others say that animal
experimentation
Use synonyms
 can help to develop new drugs in order to heal
people
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 with strange diseases. In
this
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essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will discuss both views and come to a clear conclusion about
this
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 topic.
Firstly
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, animal
experimentation
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 can be used to test new medication in order to see if it can be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
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 or if
in
Change preposition
on
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 the other hand, it can be used to treat diverse diseases.
Thus
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, we can create more specific ways to heal diverse diseases by testing the range of action of some medications.
For example
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, in 2019, animal
experimentation
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 helped
the
Correct article usage
apply
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scientists to develop a vaccine that was capable
to immunize
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of immunizing
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 most
of
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and
stop
Wrong verb form
stopping
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 the pandemic. Animal
experimentation
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 can help
the
Correct article usage
apply
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humans to live longer.
Secondly
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, animal
experimentation
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 can be cruel and harmful
for
Change preposition
to
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 the
animals
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.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that most of the
animals
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 that are used for medical testing,
grows
Correct subject-verb agreement
grow
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 in cages with so little space. They
also
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 can be intoxicated by the medication that scientists inject
to
Change preposition
into
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 them, causing them to die in agony.
For instance
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, in the year 2020
lost
Correct your spelling
lot
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 of
animals
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 died in big medical laboratories because of the drugs that the professionals injected
in
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into
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 them. Using
animals
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 to test medicines can be harmful for the
animals
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 and
no
Correct your spelling
not
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 ethical.
To conclude
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, I will say that using
animals
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 in order to test our medical drugs can help to develop
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human health
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
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 kills lots of
animals
Use synonyms
 each year.

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coherence cohesion
To improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay, make sure to clearly transition between points. For example, you could use phrases such as 'On the other hand' to contrast opposing views. Additionally, ensure paragraphs flow smoothly by linking ideas across them.
task achievement
For task response, ensure your conclusion fully encapsulates your argument rather than introducing new information. Try to present a balanced summary that reflects the complexity of the issue.
task achievement
Some sentences could be made more concise and clear. Be sure to review and edit your work for grammar and word choice to avoid ambiguity and enhance readability.
task achievement
Your essay provides a balanced view of both sides of the argument, addressing the benefits and drawbacks of animal experimentation effectively.
task achievement
The essay includes specific examples, such as the development of a vaccine in 2019, which helps to illustrate your points and makes your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
You have structured the essay well with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that discuss different viewpoints, and a conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • controversial
  • prevalence
  • scientific research
  • proponents
  • opponents
  • medical breakthroughs
  • vaccines
  • treatments
  • critical data
  • regulatory frameworks
  • ethical guidelines
  • minimize suffering
  • moral objections
  • animal rights
  • species differences
  • unreliable results
  • alternatives to animal testing
  • in vitro testing
  • computer modeling
  • volunteer microdosing
  • nuanced
  • complexity
  • weighing
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