The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The graph below illustrates the figure for participants in different kinds of activities in Melbourne, Australia from 2000 to 2020. It's clear that except for
amateur
dramatics
and
film
clubs, all activities showed a general upward trend, and
film
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
show examples
had the highest
number
during the whole period. In 2000, around 65 citizens joined the movie club in Melbourne, which was
te
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
highest, followed by martial
arts
and
amateur
dramatics
with the
number
of approximately 38 and 27 respectively, which was obviously lower.Meanwhile, about 18 residents attended table tennis
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
,
whereas
no one took up in musical performances in 2000. After that, except martial
arts
and
amateur
dramatics
witnessed
a
Change the article
an
show examples
overall
silght
Correct your spelling
slight
decrease, the others all increased until 2010,
film
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
show examples
fell to 60, which was still the highest and was nearly double the
number
of martial
arts
(37).
In addition
, table tennis exceeded
amateur
dramatics
with the
number
of 20 in 2010,
while
musical
peformances
Correct your spelling
performances
went up quickly to about 12, still the lowest.
During
Change preposition
From
show examples
2010 to 2020,
film
increased slowly and
finally
reached 65, followed by table tennis, which saw a dramatic soar and
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
overtaken martial
arts
in 2015 and
then
ended up with around 52, still the highest, followed by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
martial
arts
with 38.
Addtionally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, musical performances
also
increased evidently, surpassing
amateur
dramatics
in 2015 and
rose
Wrong verb form
rising
show examples
to just under 20,
while
the other one
meantioned
Correct your spelling
mentioned
decreased quickly and ultimately fell to about 6 in 2020, which was the lowest.
Submitted by Phigros666 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words amateur, dramatics, film, number, arts with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: