IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes?

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In the modern day, there are so many types of people with their uniqueness of behaviours. Yet, many of them lean toward the bad side too.
As a result
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, the amount of crime is increasing in many countries.
Therefore
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, the questions on the root causes, and the solutions become pressing concerns. First of all, the main cause of crime is desire. All of them want to fulfil their needs.
Moreover
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, their desire will push them to do bad things which will trigger crimes.
For example
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, there is a father
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 has a responsibility to feed their family, but his income is too small,
as a result
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, he will attempt to get money illegally. Another example
that is
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 easier to understand,
there
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is a businessman who wants to get rich fast, and he evades the tax which will harm the nation.
On the other hand
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, we can prevent the issue by putting more strict regulations. One of the examples which can be applied is to give them a reward for those who find the culprit,
therefore
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 it will increase the awareness of people and press their desires to do bad things.
Moreover
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, we can try to fix the salary of the employees. The government can
also
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 give employees some rewards when reporting their workplaces, which give them salaries below standard. So, the government can hunt those illegal companies and fix the lives of workers,
therefore
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 the crime rate will reduce as well. In conclusion, desires cannot be avoided, yet we can put some solutions to prevent them.
Therefore
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, crimes are inevitable but they can be handled.

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task achievement
Ensure that each main point is fully explained and developed with clear, comprehensive ideas for greater clarity and depth.
coherence cohesion
Consider improving the flow between paragraphs with smoother transitions to strengthen coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Proofread for minor language inaccuracies and refine sentence structures for greater precision and variety.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task appropriately, discussing both the causes of crime and potential solutions.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and provide the necessary framework for the essay.
task achievement
Relevant specific examples are provided to support the main points, making the arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is maintained throughout the essay, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic disparity
  • propensity
  • recidivism
  • deterrent
  • rehabilitative
  • judicial system
  • corruption
  • socioeconomic
  • alienation
  • stigmatization
  • decriminalization
  • enforcement
  • gentrification
  • preemptive measures
  • intervention strategies
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