Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television has destroyed communication among friends and family. Use specific reasons and examples to support your option.
It is argued that in the technological era, people have had fewer communications with
friends
and family Use synonyms
due to
Television. I strongly agree with Linking Words
this
Linking Words
arguement
because watching Correct your spelling
argument
TV
makes reviewers become addicted and lazy.
Use synonyms
To begin
with, Television is a platform providing a range of entertainment Linking Words
programmers
, so people Replace the word
programs
easisly
pay attention Correct your spelling
easily
on
it. Change preposition
to
As a result
, they are addicted Linking Words
by
watching Television. They spend their free Change preposition
to
time
with Use synonyms
TV
rather than having a conversation with family members, Use synonyms
that
might create a bridge between existing relationships in the long run. A study has shown thatCorrect pronoun usage
which
,
Remove the comma
apply
quality
of family Correct article usage
the quality
coversation
in Correct your spelling
conversation
family
has Add an article
the family
been
decreased Unnecessary verb
apply
due to
spending Linking Words
exceesive
Correct your spelling
excessive
time
on Use synonyms
Televions
, Correct your spelling
Television
in stead
of talking with others.
On top of that, people who are interested in Correct your spelling
instead
TV
programmes prefer staying home rather than going out with their Use synonyms
friends
. Sitting in front of flat screens for Use synonyms
awhile
causes them lazy. They Correct your spelling
a while
losse
interest in chatting with their Correct your spelling
lose
friends
, leading to isolation Use synonyms
Linking Words
that
is Correct pronoun usage
which
such
a bad health Linking Words
problems
. Correct the article-noun agreement
problem
The
recent survey Correct article usage
A
started
that, a large number of children who spent most of their leisure Verb problem
found
time
on Use synonyms
TV
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
a
poor communication with their Remove the article
apply
friends
since they rather watch Use synonyms
TV
than Use synonyms
playing
with their fellows. Wrong verb form
play
Thus
, they do not have a good friendship.
In conclusion, watching Linking Words
Use synonyms
Tv
Correct your spelling
TV
progammes
Correct your spelling
programmes
make
individuals become addicted and lazy Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
that
affects their relationships with family and Correct pronoun usage
which
friends
. Watchers should balance spending Use synonyms
time
with Use synonyms
Use synonyms
Tv
and their family and Correct your spelling
TV
friends
.Use synonyms
Submitted by tranghathu16hd on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
General
Enhance your vocabulary and sentence structure to include more complex and varied expressions. This will help convey your ideas more clearly and effectively.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are well-placed but could be slightly more impactful to summarize your points strongly.
logical structure
Work on refining your logical structure to ensure all points are coherently linked and developed throughout the essay. This will enhance the flow of your arguments.
relevant specific examples
Ensure all examples provided are strong and more relevant to your arguments. This will help in substantiating your points better.
task achievement
Your essay topic is thoroughly addressed, and you provide clear reasons to support your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Your writing flows logically from one point to the next, which makes it easy to follow your argument.
introduction conclusion present
You have included an introduction and conclusion, ensuring a complete structure for your essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example