We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits?
In today's world, dependency on
computers
has been increasing through the years. Using technology in different areas such
as business, medicine, criminalistic or in
Change preposition
apply
the
aviation, has permitted Correct article usage
apply
Correct article usage
the developing
developing
of these markets, improving sales. Throughout Replace the word
development
this
essay, we explore the capability of computers
have
creating an impact on the biggest companies and the pros and cons Fix the infinitive
to have
about
generating dependence Change preposition
of
of
these devices.
It is commonly believed that "dependence" word always has a negative connotation, but not always that way. To illustrate it, I want to highlight the importance that Change preposition
on
computers
have, especially in computing capacity. It is used in projects with high demand in maths or complex operations human beings can not do easily or quickly. In particular
, processes that include statistic models, optimizate operations or run computing works, are not replaced by handmade procedures.
On the other hand
, computers
are used by people to engage in leisure activities that consume considerable amounts of time and offer little substantial benefit to their lives. For instance
, many individuals spend hours on social media or playing online games, which, while
entertaining, often do not contribute meaningfully to their personal or professional development. As a result
, users may develop a dependency on these devices, leading to a form of addiction that can be challenging to overcome.
I consider, there are more benefits computers
bring to us, not only reducing times in our jobs but also
boosting the technology become in our ally. To conclude
, a future where we incorporate technological devices in our daily routine should not scare us,
but rather should motivate us to take the world in a more pleasant way.Remove the comma
apply
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task achievement
Make sure to clearly define your position in the introduction and stick to it throughout the essay. This will provide a unified direction and focus for your argument.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your points more persuasive and your ideas clearer.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions for smoother flow between points. This will help ensure that the essay reads more like a coherent whole rather than isolated ideas.
content
The essay makes some good points about both the advantages and disadvantages of dependence on computers.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical with clear paragraphs dedicated to different points.
language
The language used is appropriate and shows a good range of vocabulary.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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