IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

More and more people today are visiting extreme places such as Antarctica or the Sahara desert. What are the advantages or disadvantages of such travels?

#people #places #antarctica #sahara #desert
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There is no denying the fact that travel is one of the best experiences in our lives. It is a commonly held belief that going to tough places like Antarctica or the Sahara Desert, increases the dopamine that they lost
while
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 living in modern cities. There is
also
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 an argument that going to dangerous areas will get you injured or even worse.
This
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 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On the one hand, for people who want to have a lifetime adventure, travelling itself will not satisfy
this
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 desire.
In other words
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, they want to try a whole experience than what they used to.
In addition
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,
this
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 is a good way to improve their mental health.
For example
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, when a man gets bored with his job and his ordinary routine, the best way he can think about is travelling to places he always wanted to visit like the Amazon forest or climbing a mountain in another part of the world.
On the other hand
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, some people have another idea about trying a new experience. It is possible to say that, they believe that kind of travelling is extremely challenging and deadly if they don’t watch out for themselves.
For instance
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, you can visit a new habitat that you can’t ever imagine like the Alps in northern Italy, or relaxing in front of the beach in Tunisia. In conclusion, there is no easy answer to
this
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 question. On balance
nevertheless
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, I tend to believe that everyone has their own unique perspective of what makes them feel the life they want.
Submitted by sdam7843 on

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task response
Ensure that the essay stays strictly relevant to the topic throughout. Some of the examples provided, like relaxing on a beach, do not fit the theme of extreme travel destinations.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by clearly distinguishing between advantages and disadvantages in separate paragraphs for clarity.
task response
Provide more specific examples that are directly relevant to the topic, such as experiences specific to Antarctica or the Sahara Desert, to strengthen the essay's arguments.
task achievement
Good introduction and conclusion, setting a clear premise and wrapping up the discussion effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task and covers both perspectives.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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