IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many children are encouraged by their parents to get a part time job in their free time. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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It is becoming increasingly common for parents to encourage their
children
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 to work part-
time
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 to fill their spare
time
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.
Although
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 it appears to make
children
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 ignore their responsibility to study and have a lack of
time
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 to explore themselves,
this
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 essay believes the advantages overshadow the drawbacks, as it is an excellent way to introduce working culture and foster their skills. Most
children
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 are
students
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, and school becomes their main responsibility. Education plays an important role in
students
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' lives;
therefore
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, they need to pay adequate attention to their studies.
Furthermore
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,
children
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 are at the prime age to learn and explore their talents.
Hence
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, if they take a part-
time
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job
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, their academic and personal lives may be disturbed.
For instance
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,
students
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 usually use their free
time
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 to perform their homework or learn a new thing, yet
instead
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 of being involved in academic activities, they use it for work, which means they ignore their main role as
students
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.
On the other hand
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, a part-
time
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job
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 can have several advantages for
children
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.
To begin
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 with, a part-
time
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job
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 allows them to have first-hand experience. In
this
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 case, they are familiar with the working environment, which can help them in the future since they have learned about professionalism.
Additionally
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, some skills are being instilled in their personality. They learn to manage their
time
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 properly and take a more significant responsibility from a
job
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.
For instance
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, Chinese families often ask their
children
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 to assist in restaurants after school, teaching them how to handle a store. In conclusion, even though a part-
time
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job
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 could disturb
children
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's school life,
this
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 allows them to understand the working world better and enhance their professional skills.
Therefore
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, I firmly stated that the benefits eclipsed the drawbacks.

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task achievement
Expand further on how part-time jobs could interfere with academics and personal life exploration, providing more concrete examples or statistics to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Include a wider range of connectives and transition phrases to improve the flow between paragraphs and ideas.
task achievement
Consider discussing a wider variety of skills and experiences that children gain from part-time work, to offer a more comprehensive analysis.
Overall
Avoid absolute statements unless they can be supported by evidence or sources. Instead, use more nuanced language to present your views.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • responsibility
  • punctuality
  • work ethic
  • financial literacy
  • budgeting
  • time management
  • work experience
  • career prospects
  • independence
  • self-esteem
  • communication
  • interpersonal skills
  • academic responsibilities
  • school performance
  • hobbies
  • relaxation
  • well-being
  • stress
  • fatigue
  • premature adulthood
  • childhood experiences
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