IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

An increasing number of professional, such as teachers and doctors are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What are the reasons for this trend? What effect does it have on the countries professionals are leaving?

#teachers #doctors #countries #work #trend #effect #professionals
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Nowadays a lot of individuals who
work
 in teaching and the medical field are going to
work
 in
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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countrycountries
Correct your spelling
country countries
, not in theirs.There are many reasons for that but the important reason I think is they are looking for a better life for themselves and their families.
However
,
this
 may affect negatively on their own
countries
. On the one hand, when a person finishes his education he starts to find the best for his future, so he takes a decision to leave for developed
countries
 to
work
 there, to have a good life as his income will rise there and make more money and
also
 can make his own business.
For example
, a lot of Indian
people
 left their
country
 to
work
 in Guld
countries
 as there
numerous
Add a missing verb
are numerous
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
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works in various fields.
On the other hand
, leaving the
country
 with its professional
people
 can influence badly on it
also
 lacks the number of employees in different fields so it leads to a bad economy in the
country
.
For instance
, in Egypt, there's a huge decrease in the number of doctors because they left for another
country
 for
work
. There are always options to solve the problem, so these poor
countries
 need the find them. In conclusion, educational
people
 leave their homes to seek a good life for themselves
while
 it help them improve their opportunities.
therefore
, it shapes atrocious on their state reducing the number of skilled workers and hurting the economy.
Countries
 need to find ways to keep their talented
people
 to ensure both personal success and the
country
’s growth.
Submitted by daliaakram35 on

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task response
Try to use more specific and varied examples to strengthen your points. Providing concrete data or citing well-known instances can make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Using linking words and phrases can help improve the flow of your essay.
task response
Work on developing your main ideas more thoroughly. Each point should be elaborated with sufficient detail and explanation.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical errors and sentence structure to improve clarity and coherence. Simple, clear sentences can often be more effective.
task response
The essay addresses both reasons for the trend and its effects on the countries that professionals are leaving. This gives a comprehensive look at the issue.
coherence cohesion
The use of introduction and conclusion helps to frame the essay, allowing the reader to understand the primary points that will be discussed or have been discussed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • brain drain
  • emigration
  • remittances
  • pull factors
  • push factors
  • skilled workforce
  • economic disparity
  • professional development
  • quality of life
  • socio-economic conditions
  • global workforce
  • career advancement
  • migration patterns
  • developed and developing countries
  • political and economic stability
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