IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

One result of advances in medical care is that life expectancy has increased around the world. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Advancements in the field of science have made life easier for everyone.
However
Linking Words
, every coin has two sides. Treatments are now available for diseases like cancer and diabetes that were earlier thought to be incurable or life-threatening. These treatments now allow humans to live longer and better/healthier lives.
As a result
Linking Words
, the average life expectancy has increased across the globe.
This
Linking Words
 is a major advantage of these developments. But on the other side,
this
Linking Words
 has caused a significant increase in the global
population
Use synonyms
. The demand and pressure on
resources
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 increased.
Due to
Linking Words
 economic disparity, the availability of
resources
Use synonyms
 and facilities is lop-sided where the rich have access to a large pool of
resources
Use synonyms
 and the underprivileged classes are deprived of them. Both these sects have populations comprising of young and old. Here another problem arises. If the economic status of the younger
generation
Use synonyms
 is not high,
then
Linking Words
 their access to these
resources
Use synonyms
 becomes limited. The increase in life expectancy has impacted
economies
Correct article usage
the economies
show examples
 of countries around the world. With countries that have a high percentage of ageing
population
Use synonyms
 compared to the young
generation
Use synonyms
, the workforce has decreased, which leads to fewer people being able to contribute to the development of the country. China is experiencing a
population
Use synonyms
 crisis where the
population
Use synonyms
 of
younger
Add an article
the younger
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
 is decreasing and the number of people in the older
generation
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
, China, which was once a global provider of services and goods in different countries, is now starting to lag. The
overall
Linking Words
 GDP is coming down, but the demand for
resources
Use synonyms
 has increased.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Expand on the negative consequences of increased life expectancy with specific examples or statistics. This will help to strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next; potentially rephrase topic sentences to clearly outline the main idea of each paragraph.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a balanced view, acknowledging both the advantages and disadvantages of increased life expectancy, which is commendable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: